formerly here we go again

[TrentC]

based on the circumstances, when my kids are older are they going to hold it against me?

You have no control over that, other than to be honest with them when the time comes about why you did what you did. Kids are smart. They'll figure out who the stable influence is in their life.

Well apparently i am supoosed to spend my time while on extended maternity leave at his mother's house so old daughter can visit and i have a relationship with mil.

and supposedly at that point i will prove to h that i have changed....

I think a much better way of proving that you have changed is to kick him out of your life for good.

He is NOT ever going to file, i argued with this issue with myself. db says don't file, let the WAS do all the work.

That presumes that you want to keep the marriage going. If you are ready to be done, then file.

As for being vindictive? I dunno about that, but I've suggested turning him in to INS in the past. He appears to live his life thinking that he can skirt responsibility for his decisions and his actions.

It may be painful for you in the near future to turn him in, but you'll be better off getting that over with now so you can work on building a better life for you and your kids.

[Jstar]

did some intel gathering:

called h's "job" they said he didn't work there; so spoke with h and he said he did, maybe a misunderstanding-people covering for him,,

so next day i went into his work, spoke with one of the managers, told her i was meeting my h here, that happens to work here, was he there yet, she checked no, but would be shorlty. so i waited.

h left voicemail said he was at work so i said really cool so am i, he wasn't there yet, of course he lied.

so when he walked up, his face kind of dropped, wanted to know what i was doing there. see his employer did not everify him...shame shame

i got money out of him, demanded i take his truck leave him my car, it's broken down, bad rims, tires go flat every 3 hours.

i left with his truck and some money.

so of course i went through his truck. shame on him. i started looking rate in front of him, he was like what are you doing? I said hey, if your a married man you should have nothing to hid, right?

i took my kidos headed home and when kids were alseep went over his truck a little deeper.

got his direct deposit check stub
found a brand new iphone in the box
season tickets for baseball.

now i'm kind of vindictive: for the past 3 weeks me and kids had no $, no milk, eggs, cheese, toilet paper last roll, etc, you get the picture.

so mr. deadbeat dad that swore he would support me and kids so i didn't have to return to work, of course has been living it up.

so i just thought well, we are married, no legal seperation, what's his is mine atleast half. so i took 1/2 the baseball tickets, letf the box for the iphone and replaced it with some other phone.

now is he gonna get mad, yep, letem!

so i have his truck, iphone and part season tickets.

when he got off work he said he left my car at work, taht we would talk tommorow, i said well i've heard a lifetime of tommorrow, later, i'm tired, i'm busy.

my plan is to get up in the morning, get all us ready and leave my house. maybe i will just ignore all his calls, like he did to me. i know it's games, messing with him, but here's an example:

on his bday i took kids to him so he could see them, we got into an arguement and told us to get the FGHH out of there. came over the next day for easter like nothing was wrong.

so the next time he came to my house i told him to get off my property and leave. i know this is not doing anygood, but he went off for a few weeks over that. i'm dealing with a child so i sink to his level with games. he can treat me like utter crap but if i do teh same thing to him OMG it is just unaceptable.

stay tuned

[TrentC]

so the next time he came to my house i told him to get off my property and leave. i know this is not doing anygood, but he went off for a few weeks over that. i'm dealing with a child so i sink to his level with games. he can treat me like utter crap but if i do teh same thing to him OMG it is just unaceptable.

Well, on some level it is unacceptable. Why are you feeding his drama?

Victim Identity: I'm Not Okay, You're More Not Okay

He wants to be a deadbeat dad and live his life the way he wants, let him. File for D, turn him into INS, and start moving on with your life.

You gain nothing by sinking to his level. You can't shame him into doing the right thing. You can't guilt him into doing the right thing. The only thing you can do to change things is get out.

[Lotus]

what is wrong with you getting a job?

[Jstar]

I do have a job im not returning to work till end of may.

i'm not a believer of daycare either.

[TrentC]

i'm not a believer of daycare either.

So if your husband is out of the picture, what are you going to do for childcare during the day?

[Jstar]

i only work 9 months of of the year. i have every holiday, 2 weeks xmas, week in fall, week for spring break off.

may 24 is last day of work until i go back again in august.

i just wanted to get thru with this school year then re-evaluate in late july for other options, plus son will be few months older.

[TrentC]

This is your life, and you need to handle your situation in the way you think is best.

Just keep in mind that by saying you want to "re-evaluate in late July", you're basically giving him permission to treat you this way until then.