Chiming in not as vet but as someone a little further down the road than you at the moment.
You're getting great advice here. LISTEN.
Sometimes you won't believe it or you will second guess it and you have to make your own mistakes to know the truth in it.
YOUR best thinking has brought you here. Now you are here so try to do better.
IMO your W is at least having an EA. It sounds like she also has a lot of guilt which she will go to great lengths to justify and hide her behavior.
I am saying this gently but you probably need to figure this out because there is no way you're going to make any progress(in your M) if she is engaged elsewhere.
Right now the only thing you can control is you so get busy making YOU better.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
