Husband left me 3 months pregnant...

[AliSuddenly]

I had endless discussions on my thread as to how to respond to EVERY text, email etc.. for months, until I got my legs and could walk alone and respond. So post here next time and ask peeps.

So.. "Last night I recieved a text with a picture of a baby outfit he bought... my heart melted... but i didnt write back. I felt like I was going against who i really was. Made me sad."

Ok, be yourself, stand up and say, I'm not going to play ball, and... you get D? OR, do whats counterintuitive and treat him as though he is somewhat ill (depressed) and not being himself, so be kind, show compassion (noone is saying this stuff is easy!! ITs like learning to speak in a whole new language).

So I would say, text back, light, airy, thank him for the picture and agree the outfit is lovely. Leave it at that. Or yuo could ask a question, to keep the convo going - as long as its about a neutral subject (so NOT about your R, your past, present or future R, that is a big no no).. say, you could ask hey where did you find that? Its lovely.

So nothing in your replies should ask him how he is feeling, put any pressure on him or raise any expectations of him. Not replying is also not helpful to your cause. Use every interaction as a way for him to see you as that safe harbour.

I got a one line text after he left me and had moved (I didnt know where to).. telling me he had terrible bowel trouble.. I responded with a joke about it and a suggestion of what might help.. he responded with a joke back.. and a thankyou...

..on and on it went, but I posted and got advice.. a one line text became a one line email by the end of the week and a suggestion to meet up... that went on for months. Then ow came in the middle, but the texts/emails started up again.. again I responded in kind, matched him in style/length/sentiment.. and

now we are engaged! But all of this IS a huge effort and it takes MONTHS.

Your H is responding like an MLCer. You need to show him compassion, kindness and consistency and place NO expectations on him. NO guilt trips. Dont put YOUR emotions onto him (or he will withdraw further/get angry) and biggest of all... resist at all costs ever referring to your R. Thats your past R, present R or future R. Never bring it up. If he does and wishes to talk.. do more listening than talking. So definetly DONT suggest going for MC.

You need to give him space. Thats what he wants right? Because he has left you, so as hard as it is, you have to respect that and give him the space he wants. That doesnt mean that you IGNORE him when he contacts you, quite the opposite, you need to make it SAFE for him to contact you - so always reply/respond and be gentle and non pressurising.

I realise you are pregnant so this is sooo hard, but I really hope you can try.
Al xxx