Your son is a wise young man, leave your H alone. Sounds like when you do he seems to seek you out. When he initiates a convo with you, listen, validate where you can, but give him nothing as far as your feelings, needs, wants or dreams. Stay mysterious while moving forward. You are a wise lady not to let him use you because you can't miss what's always there.
Given your H's history he would have to be willing to go through intensive therapy before you should consider ever reconciling with him if that is what he and you want down the road.
It sounds like you're starting to get a handle on this. I know it's hard, but this is your time to think and take care of yourself.
