Lees here is a good website.Your wife may be in MLC but lots of good reading.She cannot have fallen out of love with you so quickly.It is scientifically impossible! It tell you about A's why our spouses do what they do etc etc. www.midlifecrisismarraigeadvocate.com This is a page on love and hate. http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/understanding_infidelity_love-and-hate.html Rollercoaster ride who has built the site posts on these forums so its all first hand experience and developed knowledge. It answers the..but she cant be....questions. happy reading
ME 44 H 45 D 14 D 20 M 22 YEARS TOGETHER 28YEARS Bomb Drop 14th July 09 Seperated-living with OW 10mths(14/07/09) MLC 3years
Silence wasn't golden in this marriage; it was deadly," Dr. Robin L. Smith
I'm OK - just was out of internet for a while. Had a fabulous few days up at my wee cottage getting it ready for the holiday season so hopefully it can be let out. I'm really pleased with how it looks, it's beautiful and homely now.
Was really sad to drive back home this morning, and even more depressing to have to go to work for 0800 tomorrow to start on a new ward. Had an irritating meeting today with my supervisor too, who seems to think I have some kind of mental condition because I had 2 weeks off work at the time of the bomb and finding out STBXW was sleeping with my colleague. She kept saying "it's best to head off these kind of problems before they impact on your future training." Weird. I've been totally pulling my weight at work as normal, and have had lots of praise in the last few months, and people constantly telling me how happy and healthy I seem to be especially in the last 6 weeks. Hopefully I've managed to reassure her that it was merely a stress related blip which is now in the past. I managed to successfully ignore her comment about "bad things will happen to you in the future as well you know." Maybe I'm nieve but I am hoping not ever to go through my particular variety of bomb ever again!
The STBXW felt obliged to send me a txt on Monday saying
"I'm just back from Italy. Very disappointed that my solicitor has not sent you a letter stating that 2 months rent plus fees for storing your car on my drive for >2 months will be in excess of your claim. I will chase this up on Tuesday."
Before I got upset I talked to my barrister friend who told me it's all hot air. And if she wants to keep paying her solicitor £200/hr to write letters let her. Apparently Small Claims Ct is a no win thing for anyone except the layman as no costs can be claimed. So worst case scenario is that I lose the claim (unlikely as I actually only stayed in her rental property for 3 weeks, not 2 months as she states), and have paid £60 for the privelidge of bursting her bubble when she got back from hols with the OM. Hurrah! Hope she's enjoying the first day of her new job and that 1.5hr commute each way.......
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
Thats worse your a doc!!!!and not eating! You will fade away to a shadow at this rate. I know its hard when you are hurt to feel you are getting further away from anything good with your w but you need time to heal. It said on the site I gave you that at best if you can say in your mind you would like to love her again, then thats a good start if she decides at some point to come home.You have been too hurt to make any decisions just now. I still think she may come round. I met someone today who saw my H with the ow not realising we had split up.She said she is hideous..totally disgusting.I cannot believe he would give up what he has for that...so she's not only ugly on the inside but outside too!!!glad everyone agrees. I am like you not sure if I want to go back the way either.I am more hurt at how he has dealt with the girls.They are beautiful inside and out and have been a godsend.The ow 2 kids 11/12 are totally messed up, out of control..and yet he spends more time with them. There is some good news though. My old boss ctcd me today.He is waiting to hear about an MD role with a Financial services company and if successful would like me to work with him again. I thank god I am financially independent and earn a good salary so the girls wont suffer on that front.(If i dont get a job think I will be buying a tent!!!) I am ok and getting there and so will you.Dont throw yourself at work..you probably give too much already!
ME 44 H 45 D 14 D 20 M 22 YEARS TOGETHER 28YEARS Bomb Drop 14th July 09 Seperated-living with OW 10mths(14/07/09) MLC 3years
Silence wasn't golden in this marriage; it was deadly," Dr. Robin L. Smith
Not eating is part of the job description, and as I could do with losing about another 3 stone to hit target weight I don't think I'll wither away I think the problem with it is the irregular hours and mad times when at work disrupt my eating pattern so much that my body never knows when it's supposed to be hungry. It's compounded by endless bad food snacks on offer like chocolate and biscuits and toast, and then being so tired after work that I can just about manage to stop at the takeaway or muster enough energy to put a pizza in the oven. But I do try! I take fruit and veg for my lunches rather than sandwiches and steer clear of the snacks as much as possible. I try to eat healthily at home too, with making my own soups and lots of veggie based dishes. But it's so much easier to succumb these days with the cooking for 1 and not being bothered to actually make something decent.
I would still like (much rather than need) my wife to come back. But I'm slowly accepting that that is not going to happen. It is not only statsitically vanishingly small as an outcome, but our situation compounds this. She is happily playing with OM, living in her nice house, with her nice car and her nice new job and her pretty little circle of adulterous friends. I have made some mistakes along the way which have given her excuse to hate me (and on occasion for me to hate myself), such as continuing my friendships with her family against her, but with their will; publically bad mouthing the OM for wrecking my marriage; and taking her to small claims court. She is not the kind of woman that looks back on her life. "Always going forwards" is one of her favourite phrases. Her determination, forward thinking and endless energy were some of her most attractive traits. Alas, that determination and single mindedness have since been what send us on the road to divorce so quickly. And unfortunately I'm just going to have to wait for the bits of paper to land on my doormat.
Your H has behaved despicably. It is one thing, as in my sitch to mess with your spouse, but it is beyond reproach to intentionally hurt your kids. I'm sure they know who is in the right, and who to take as their role model however.
I think most OP are disgusting on the inside and out. The OM in my sitch is also both of those. Grey hair at 32, buck teeth, serial philanderer and marriage wrecker. Undoubtedly some degree of personality disorder as he only seems to prey on those either married or engaged to others. Yet currently the best thing since sliced bread in the eyes of the WS.
Fantastic news on the job front. I do hope it pans out. And if it comes down to the tent I have a spare one
I have to throw myself into work currently - I'm very behind with all the stuff that we're just expected to do on top of our paid hours to keep up with the game. I have a research protocol to write which involves critically appraising about 15 journal articles and then some, a guideline to review, need to read the manuals for 2 up and coming courses, one of which I'll be teaching on so really need to know it inside out, and am behind on my proof of competencies for appraisal (and had hands slapped last week for this by my supervisor). I just wish I had the impetus to get on with them! At least I've actually booked on the courses now though, so there is actually no escape.
Besides, the OM is a complete workaholic, so maybe this is in fact what the STBXW actually wants rather than me, as someone who always put family before career.
Another fantastic positive for the day is knocking my handyman down to 1/2 price for the botched bits of work in my rental property. And I'm off out for dinner tomorrow night and hoping to get out on a hike at the weekend.
It sounds like you're a great Mum JacT - I'm really glad you've got something as wonderful as your girls to keep you smiling
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
I need to learn how to let go of the anger, the need for vengeance and the desire for their sordid relationship to explode in a cataclysm of hurt and pain.
How on earth does one do this?
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
Lees you got to stop criticising what you dont do.(here the naggin bit that most men..if not all hate!) you have just gone through a horrific experience,been let down by the person you trusted most in the world, you're juggling two homes and a very busy and stretching job as well as all the extra out of hours work you got to do!I am exhausted just thinking about it.
I know its tempting not to cook but even a big pot of homemade soup..especially for those crazy hours you work..!!! I have lost 3 stone through this also so listen to the pot calling the kettle black!!!
I laughed at your description of OM and could see Plug from the Bash St Kids..LOL. My H ow is a skank..(with your scottish connections you know what it means!) She doesnt look clean, very cheap, bits hanging out where they shouldnt be, dyed blond hair with great black roots...yuk shes the same personality disorder, always targets married/committed people and been with every man in the local gym(I am serious).Never done a days work..but they trash down with these affairs..always and they rarely last.
Sounds like you are slowly getting into a better space..you will find when you want her to come home she will..and then you can decide whats best. You sound like a really good person..warm heart.Its hard not to get bitter but if you do..it gives them power and the OM certainly not worth it. I love being a mum.My eldest is 20 in July and really bright.Shes goin into 3rd year uni.My 14 yr old is a card, great sense of humour, finds studying a little more challenging but loves life! Its good to see you are Galing when you get the time.
I need to learn how to let go of the anger, the need for vengeance and the desire for their sordid relationship to explode in a cataclysm of hurt and pain.
I feel exactly the same and I would def suggest counselling.I have just had my 3rd session and its good to vent to someone you dont know.With the busy life you lead, theres a risk you put everything in a brain box and it goes pop when you least expect it. Think about it..it does help. You can always use here and I am always happy to listen! Rest well...
ME 44 H 45 D 14 D 20 M 22 YEARS TOGETHER 28YEARS Bomb Drop 14th July 09 Seperated-living with OW 10mths(14/07/09) MLC 3years
Silence wasn't golden in this marriage; it was deadly," Dr. Robin L. Smith
ps I have got closer to my FIL too.My H has all but abandoned him too.You do whats rights with your W family.Dont change who you are because she has lost her mind at the mo..lala land well and truly..working long hours would suggest to me they are not spending alot of time together perhaps thats what suits her!!!
ME 44 H 45 D 14 D 20 M 22 YEARS TOGETHER 28YEARS Bomb Drop 14th July 09 Seperated-living with OW 10mths(14/07/09) MLC 3years
Silence wasn't golden in this marriage; it was deadly," Dr. Robin L. Smith
Lees gday.Hope dinner goes well and you enjoy your hike!I have been out cutting grass today..lots of it, ironing, making dinner and all the usual stuff! My brother gets married on 1st July(H was supposed to be bestman)so off shopping with mother tomorrow to get her an outfit..bet its longer than your hike! Youngest D got sent home today from school..she had a bad day..got to sort the counselling for her soon. HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND.....
ME 44 H 45 D 14 D 20 M 22 YEARS TOGETHER 28YEARS Bomb Drop 14th July 09 Seperated-living with OW 10mths(14/07/09) MLC 3years
Silence wasn't golden in this marriage; it was deadly," Dr. Robin L. Smith
I think the problem with it is the irregular hours and mad times when at work disrupt my eating pattern so much that my body never knows when it's supposed to be hungry. It's compounded by endless bad food snacks on offer like chocolate and biscuits and toast, and then being so tired after work that I can just about manage to stop at the takeaway or muster enough energy to put a pizza in the oven. But I do try! I take fruit and veg for my lunches rather than sandwiches and steer clear of the snacks as much as possible. I try to eat healthily at home too, with making my own soups and lots of veggie based dishes. But it's so much easier to succumb these days with the cooking for 1 and not being bothered to actually make something decent.
