Yeah, I too keep wondering if STBXW lied to me about her A last time (she claims it was a one time PA and she felt horribly about it) - it stil hurts when I think about it but there have been signs that it was more than that. However, whenever I asked if there was something else she denied it and used to say "I'm not thinking about that right now"
Some day I'll tell you guys about a story of a friend's friend and what his wife did to the poor guy! it's really really awful. THe gist of it is he was diagnosed with terminal cancer, he was given a year to survive. He sought treatment using his money he'd saved over the years. His wife told him that was a waste of money! he says 'hey I'm trying to save my life so I can be with my kids longer'. He flew out of state for an experimental treatment, she refused to go with him. When he got their he found out all his account were frozen and he was served. He was left with no money, no kids, no house, nothing
Unbelieveable how cruel people can be but how f'd up our legal system is
PS. What's a TM?
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
TM = triplet mom, for lack of other defining designation Yeah, making up my own codes, I thought we could do that . I know what the SG is, for example.
TM = triplet mom, for lack of other defining designation Yeah, making up my own codes, I thought we could do that . I know what the SG is, for example.
It's funny the observations you make about yourself. I've been talking very little to W this week. I drop the kids off, and pick them up, and say very little.
At the same time, I'm noticing that I've got a lot more energy and am fired up regarding my job this week.
Sounds like you're starting to get the hang of detaching. The more you detach from the WAS, the better you feel. I think a lot of us LBS tend to get too overly attached. So many of us get here, me too, and think deep down we need the WAS. It was a surprise to find out that I don't. We all can be happy with or without our WAS.
Karen, I know what you're saying is the 100% correct but why are some of us not feeling that way? Maybe with time but I remember the last time I waited almost 2 years for her and while I was OK I always felt like a part of me was missing.
G, I'm glad for you and hope to be there sooner than later!
I admit sometimes I want to peek in the 'divorced but not done' section but oh man...I don't want to go there. When it's done it better be done for me UNLESS she comes begging!! (fat chance).
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
Thoughts crossed my mind tonight about the marriage, and some of the dynamics. When I would go out of town for my job (which wasn't very often) W would just about freak out - it was very stressful for her. Even when we were seperated, it bothered her a lot when I took a day trip out of town, that I was not close. I don't think that's normal.
It's still strange being without her here in the house. But not in a bothersome way. I miss her less and less, but still experiencing that it's different.
And I realize that I don't feel alone really. I talk to friends and family on the phone or the computer nearly every day. I didn't do that before. I have more relationships that are better now.
I'm enjoying work again.
Originally Posted By: karen43
So many of us get here, me too, and think deep down we need the WAS. It was a surprise to find out that I don't.
Yeah.
SR, you've got to be patient with yourself. She moved out last month. Be patient with yourself.
Originally Posted By: StupidRomeo
G, I'm glad for you and hope to be there sooner than later!
See, I'm almost surprised that someone could say that to me, because it wasn't too long ago that I was a freaking mess. (Karen can confirm that!) It didn't happen quickly or suddenly. One week I'd be better than the week before, but was still really crappy. One day I started sleeping again. One day I didn't feel like I had to throw up in the morning. It's probably just the last month that I've felt "OK" most of the time. But I know I've cried at least once in the past month. But I surprised myself one day recently that I was actually enjoying the things I was doing, not going through the motions. I'm actually happy. The whole thing about not wanting to talk to W that much all of a sudden is maybe because something has shifted - those habits of trying to establish happines with her, giving way to wanting to preserve or protect the happiness I realize I have.
You posted on FB today that you had a moment where you were laughing and socializing, that is GOOD, even if it was brief. I had the same experience early on, where my brain wanted to insist to focus on the "crisis" going on. First it was all the time, then little cracks would appear for a moment - but just a moment - and my brain would with full force thrust me back into the brooding, contemplating, dwelling. Those moments get more frequent and longer. Support and encourage them with friends, conversations, getting out, GALing. Find people you can talk to, I cast a wide net so that I wouldn't wear any one friend out, and would get different perspectives on feedback. And with my closest friends, I realized that I wanted to talk about my situation ALL THE TIME (which you need to do) - now, not so much. I'm actually becoming myself again. And those friendships aren't about support anymore, they're about that relationship with that person.
OK I'm tired and I'm rambling. Just let tomorrow come, man.
Bill, I don't want to turn your thread into mine but just wanted to say that your words resonate with me and help a ton. Thank you!!
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
. I know what the SG is, for example.