Naej, Your words seem to ring true. I was hoping the Hustle Formation team would move us forward, and it probably is a step in the right direction, yet it still isn't enough to break her pattern. The paradox is that her behavior creates more distance, not bring me in closer.
The odd thing here is that love involves being willing to risk ending the M. Love involves wanting something better for myself and my W. Love involves finding the courage to break her destructive pattern. Love involves realizing that possibly the most helpful thing I can do for both of us is to end the M.
The title of my thread, "Tough Grace" implies that I still need to suffer some more in order to grow in love. Each episode of suffering I've had has been a catalyst for change--starting Salsa classes with my W, taking dance lessons on my own, venturing out into the ballroom community on my own, joining a church and taking a look at my childhood religion thru adult eyes. I believe this episode of suffering will prompt me to do the same.
I don't think it's about her. It boils down to how much am I willing to learn (per Phillip Gulley) to love someone who deserves it the least but needs it the most?
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
