My love language is pretty clear-acts of service. H's seems to be words of affirmation. We had a conversation last week about how I get all crazy anxious about getting things done. This has always bothered him. I've been thinking that I am showing love to everyone by all that I do, apparently H has (all this time) interpreted that as me implying that he does not do enough, such that I have to do so much. My giving was making him feel somehow inadequate or discounting the contributions he was/is making. The other day he did a load of laundry that was all his clothes. He thought this was really helping me out because there would be less laundry for me to do later. My first thought was how selfish it was that he only washed his stuff! Thankfully I did not verbalize that. Then I read about LL and saw that just because I think I am giving a gift by washing his clothes does not mean he feels like he is receiving a gift. He thinks he's just making more work for me and feeling terrible about it. This really does feel like speaking different languages.
I also have been reading the book that Flowmom suggesting about How to improve your M without talking about it. I am confused about how to do what it was recommending while still Dbing. This book calls for 6 hugs a day at 6 seconds each. Seems like chasing. I am still working my way though what will help me the most. I definitely know that by not having recurrent R talks the stress level has dropped considerably around here. H is working from home more/doesn't appear to need to flee. He's not on edge that I will erupt into a puddle since I'm so cheerful and trying to GAL.
My husband would probably write in a journal that I am confusing to him now. He has serious doubts about the change in me being fleeting. He keeps telling me that he just wants me to be myself. So, he's not sure who that is right now. He keeps testing me, throwing me curves and seeing how I react. He would probably say that I am 100% dependable, a great friend, good mother.... He feels that the romance is gone and he doubts it can be recreated. He seems to believe this is just an unfortunate fact that neither of us can do anything about. H has this notion that love is something that happens to you, I am more in the camp that love is a verb. H feels he has let me down and can't measure up to what I deserve.
I need to figure out how to give words of affirmation without sounding fake...any ideas?
