Glad I've been able to experience them. You're a special friend. HUG
You've helped me a lot with this. So have Pearl and Rob and others. I still have work to do. You have been getting extra info on the side, so your input has been extra special to me. You are a special friend, too.
I understand what you mean, Ferg. Yesterday while I was mowing (that's my thinking time ) I was pondering what I would do if I could have a chance w/my exH again.
And I really don't know. I have worked so hard to reclaim the authentic BBJ who is happy, upbeat, fun, etc that going back to someone who has not grown, still blames the world for his troubles, sees himself as the victim? It just is not appealing...if it weren't for my kids that door would not have even a crack in it...
So I can understand how you could spend time with her, see that she hasn't really used this time for introspection and growth, and not be interested in going back to what didn't work...
So I can understand how you could spend time with her, see that she hasn't really used this time for introspection and growth, and not be interested in going back to what didn't work...
It was nice to have the chance to find this out, especially this early on.
I spend my time (usually exercise time) thinking what changes she would have to do to make this work. And the changes would be pretty significant. It is quite a change going from begging and pleading to where I now have standards that need to be met.
You are right Fergie, we all choose our time to move on. My time was just a few months ago after having spent 9 months improving myself. Maybe it took me longer because I have kids. Do you have any kids Fergie?
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
You are right Fergie, we all choose our time to move on. My time was just a few months ago after having spent 9 months improving myself. Maybe it took me longer because I have kids. Do you have any kids Fergie?
V1olin: No, we don't. It was one of the things I settled for with my W. She doesn't do well with kids, sleep deprivation, extra work, stress, etc. That was something we actually both agreed on. But I myself was lukewarm about having kids by the time I hit 35. Ultimately I made the decision to make sure our birth control was permanent and I was okay with that, for the sake of our marriage.
If we had kids, this would be a much harder decision, and be much more drawn out. So, I'm on the accelerated DB plan.
Hey Fergie. How are you? Your thread is a little quiet. Can I help? smile
Yeah. LOL You can help me pack up the last remnants of her stuff... I figure whatever "product" in the bathroom is fair game, since what woman leaves product?
Quote:
I do think it is easier and faster to find your detachment when there are no kids involved.
I couldn't agree more. If we had kids, this would be a whole different ballgame. I'd try a lot harder for a lot longer. Either that or I'd already be divorced with custody of the kids.
I actually took "Marriage and Family" as a Sociology requirement in college. And the only thing I remember (yeah, go figure) from that class was that children dilute a marriage. They make a great marriage worse and a bad marriage somewhat better. But what the hell do PhDs know? But then I say that to myself everyday anyway.. LOL.
--Fergie /Damn she has a lot of Burt's Bees crap //Actually not a bad lotion, and smells like honey ///^^likes honey^^ ///slashies
Seriously? Product left behind??? Whatelseyagot? I'd be glad to help... Are you doing ok w/that?
You would be an amazing father. Despite... well, a lot... ERASEERASEEASE
You like honey, huh? I just thought you were being sappy. BTW, allow the blonde to chime in on the Burt's Bees. To me, it is... utilitarian. Maybe she should have mixed things up a bit in the product area. To keep YOUR attention!
Children and a marriage? Do you have 10 hours?
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
) I was pondering what I would do if I could have a chance w/my exH again.