without sounding too perverted....would the two of you ever watch porn together?
edit...ok it does sound perverted...lol
LOL...yes actually we tried that. Her idea actually. But she even said once that the act is gross. She has a hard time with it and then when she saw it on TV it was worse. She was not always like this. I cannot pinpoint when the change was to see why it changed. Good suggestion.
When you do your backrub, what I do and you may do it too. I used to be the same, feel tortured while you do it and your that close but can't even do your thing...
The way I do my backrubs and leg rubs and stuff today, is enjoy the physical contact. I also enjoy if she is taking pleasure in it. I think you will enjoy it too if you have the right state of mind going into it.
I also see how asking for it or mentioning can get the spouse defensive. The defensive action indicates they are obviously ignoring it, somehow its a pain point. Why would they avoid this talk if they know their spouse needs aren't met? Don't they realize it?
Also, I am afraid of pushing her away though. She still does not wear her ring and sleeps in a differnt room. Does this change anything? I am afraid that if I try to do something she will get mad and leave the house altogether. At least now it is good for our son that we are under the same roof. These are "what if's" though, arent they?
Last edited by SMM23; 04/28/1008:42 PM. Reason: Add stuff
Hey, I had a problem with not wanting sex but mine had to do with resentment issues. My H went from doing the whole foreplay, eroticism stuff to shooting the gun right at the target... that made me lose even more interest.
I would start by taking some of the other's suggestions. That is a great start. rubbing, kissing, holding, fondling. do things for her sexually, KWIM? get her hot and bothered.
I hope it works for you!
M: 32 H: 34 S:5 D: 3 D: 1 Together 11 years Married 7 Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off) ILYBINILWY: 08/09
"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting." -Laura Munson
one other thing i learned from either Gardner or Allen - don't take it personally (think i is in the SSM section as well)...not wanting to hijackthis thread with details, but just last night i think i actually turned sex down...lol...how is that for a 180!
and yes i am the high demand partner....:)
Gman
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
SSM - regardless of how much effort you can make toward spicing things up, I would suggest that getting her in the mood (like suggested with the massage) might be just one of many things that need examining. She's hinted toward a desire, but that doesn't mean she's ready for it now. Make the environment affectionte and sexy - can you afford to get some new diggs this week that might accentuate your body?
She's hinted toward a desire, but that doesn't mean she's ready for it now. Make the environment affectionte and sexy - can you afford to get some new diggs this week that might accentuate your body?
Yeah, I need to get some clothes for work and I am tired of the same t-shirts I have on the weekends, so maybe some new clothes are in order for home as well.
But I am still back to, this is not pursuing or pushing is it? I am torn, I really want to get closer, but not at the expense of what we have achieved in the few months since our split. And the fact that a few weeks ago she said that it was over. But that may be part of the believe nothing you hear and only 50% of what you see. As the title of this thread states Dazed and Confused!!!! I will do all of theis but I just do not want to go too far. But I guess I will let her dictate that.
To me, others may disagree, pursuing is going after the person and sufficating them with love, attention, etc.
Making yourself the hottest man she can get doesn't mean she's going to get you ... she has to come to you. Getting near enough to make her hot for you and reach out to you is great, I think, but you need watch for signs. If she seems flooded/overwhelmed, back off and keep working on yourself.
Always keep making yourself the man you want to have been. She won't believe your changes are permanent until they've lasted for a while, so don't lose hope/prayer.
Tips for losing weight found on Mens' Health: - exercise before eating for at least 2 min. Revs up the metabolism - exercise for at least 2 min when you wake up - try to lift a couple weights at home every few days for a few minutes at least (20-40lbs?)
RE intimacy, who knows. I think back to the comment about other men. Why would she tell you that all horny like unless she was hinting at what she wants you to become more like. It could also be MLC or who knows, so be patient.
Hey, I had a problem with not wanting sex but mine had to do with resentment issues. My H went from doing the whole foreplay, eroticism stuff to shooting the gun right at the target... that made me lose even more interest.
I would start by taking some of the other's suggestions. That is a great start. rubbing, kissing, holding, fondling. do things for her sexually, KWIM? get her hot and bothered.
I hope it works for you!
I will try that. There was a time that we got to the point that we had no foreplay and just like you described. She did tell me once that she was not ready and that she did not enjoy it because of that. Maybe some resentment came in to play. So how do I turn that around now? I kind of started last night with more flirting and just touching her on the way by and things like that. I will work up to the body rub. I am going to go get a book on massage and see if something there helps as well as the Sex Starved book.
