I thankyou all for your replies, Trusting yes I have to agree my son is a gem, he is a lad in a million, what he as gone through and is still going through is a miracle, it is hard to watch your grown son crumble though, he tries to not let everything get on top of him and often says if only we could turn back the hands of time and be one big happy family again, doing family things etc, but I tell him that can never be. He has his days when he has major meltdowns, maybe it would do his dad good to see one of these meltdowns and for him to own up to the fact that this is how he as destroyed his only child. ah well life is life I suppose, onward and upward.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Mandy, Time will tell as to whether wifey gets bored and stops accompanying your X and your son on outings. Sometimes they do this to feel like it's a family situation, but in time, they begin to feel/sense that they aren't wanted and will stay away. Let's hope that happens.
I think your X doesn't "think" when it comes to the time he spends w/his son, i.e., wifey in tow. At some point, your son may have to advise his father of how he feels about her tagging along. It's the only way that this situation will get resolved. Right now, the X thinks everything is cool and your son is agreeable to her being along....I would hate to see your son grow up w/anger towards his father always festering in the background and venting later. It's not healthy.
I do hope that things will get better and wifey will find something to do w/her time and disappear when your son is meeting up w/his father.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I thank you all for yor replies, son bit the bullet so to speak. I do worry about son bottling up all his feelings of anger towards the situation with his father, I can only see that son will indeed have his own mlc during future years and it is the last five years that he will revisit to sort his own childhood issues. Anyway for todays happenings, son sort of vented a little to me yesterday that he really didnt want her at his game, I told him it is time he vented his feelings to his father and stop letting his father crap on him all the time, son admitted that he is sick of his father tricking him into things, like he said dad didnt actually say she was going to the game dad is very good at wording things in a different way until son goes along with it and hunky dory there she appears. anyways after our chat son went away and texted dad to say he didnt want to go to tea, you see there he gets out of actually telling dad he doesnt want her at his match, but thinks because there is no meal involved afterwards that there is no need for her to tag on. ex rang son a couple of times last night on his mobile and son ignored the calls, I dont know if he genuinely didnt see or hear his phone ringing or not, anyhow ex picked son up this morning for the match, face like thunder, gave son a grilling about not answering his phone and says it is not on, took him to match and dropped him back home/ son says dad was in a right mood all the time he was with him, I told son not to worry it is just because dad hasnt had his own way and that son has stood up to him for once. asked son if wifey had been to match and he said no she hadnt been. so that is a relief, lets see if now son as said no once if he continues to stand up to dad, or moreso lets see if dad stops bothering with son again so much because he isnt getting him to do things son is quite blatantly not happy doing, well done son I say, bout time you stood up to dad and not let him ruin your life anymore, x
If you are able to talk to son about MLC, that seems like a good idea.
However, I would be careful not to interfere--tough line between being available and giving advice--you will just be blamed if son tries to ditch wifey, don't you think?
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
Oh forward I hear you my friend, whatever happens it is still all my fault, I have told son he must handle this his own way, Only yesterday I thought to myself, "you know what I am done, I am so tired of all this, I just want to get on with my life and let son get on with his, we have survived for 5 years alone now, it has been hard very hard" it seems that ex hasnt learnt anything from any of this regards his son and it also appears ex is stuck in the tunnel or has accepted that this is the way to go, just wish he would stop messing with sons head, wot a waste of a good man, he was the best, but from what I hear now he is still the complete opposite of that man, so obviously enjoys his turnaround and looking like he will never come out of the mlc, oh well I have a life to live and it doesnt revolve around assholes, x
Son normally goes to dads for tea on a tuesday evening, this as been the norm for about six months now, because he refused to go last sunday guess wot, lol no invite for son for tea on tuesday, no contact to say anything different, pathetic father or wot. I explained to son that dad is sulking due to the fact that he didnt get his own way on sunday and son just plainly said, dad wants to grow up. x
Mandy, I'm so sorry your son's father is acting like a spoiled rotten child. It's just plain awful the way he acts out w/him. You told your son the truth...his father is sulking. Let him. He's a grown man and should be very proud of his son.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
well just an update folks, I am well and truly done with ex, I have come to the conclusion he as chose the other life well over any he had with us, let him have it let him be, I can never see us reconciling or indeed having a friendship, much as I have tried to be friendly with him since son and him started talking some ten months ago I have realised it is hard to be friends with someone who just doesnt want to know, oh yes he wants to know when it is for his benefit but anything else he is still way out to lunch and such an [censored]. what brought me to this decision is the following:- after the shannanigins of not inviting son for tea on tuesday because he wouldnt go for tea last sunday and have wifey at his match, ex didnt call son to arrange picking up for training tuesday, so son rang dad, dad picked son up and son came home and said that dad had been strange tonight, I asked why and he said he "was alright, basically like the dad he used to know", then some twenty minutes later dad called son and it changed, dad was telling son that wifey would have to come pick him up for his match on wednesday evening as he was working and that would mean him getting there late, although as I have said son as started to work out for himself when dad is trying to trick him, so he responded to just leave the arrangements as they were and he didnt mind getting there ten minutes or so late, ( son also picked up this is why he was being alright with him, and why couldnt he of said this to his face about her picking him up, son also picked up on the fact that if she picked him up then she would go to this match instead of the one son blocked on sunday ) honestly ex and wifey are like two spoilt brats that dont give in until they have gotten their own way, good job son is seeing them for what they are and what they are up to