I can't really offer much as far as the negotiated terms you are dealing with. My divorce was done without lawyers OR mediators - ex and myself worked out the terms ourselves. This was possible mostly because we had more debt than assets and she was in such a hurry to go that she wasn't interested in haggling.
What I can tell you is that now is the time for you to find YOUR life again. Even as you are dealing with the business of ending a marriage, you must begin finding your way in this new world of post-marriage. Time is a great healer, but you will gain the most as you begin to let some of these things about your husband go.
Remind yourself that he is not your husband anymore. Remind yourself that he does not make your decisions anymore. Remind yourself that he cannot tell you what to do anymore. Remind yourself that it is no longer one of your concerns to protect him or to help him.
He chose to become a part of your past. It was a decision that you didn't get any input on. And as a result he does not get to have input into your life anymore.
Stop giving him information when he requests it from you. Direct him instead to your attorney. Consult with your attorney about the pros and cons of the decisions you need to make, then make the choices that you can see yourself happy to live with for the forseable future.
Then once you have made your choices, stand firm on them, and do not allow words or actions by your husband to make you give in on your demands. As many others have said, this is about business now. What matters now is that you provide for yourself as well as you can within the legal system.
It's hard now. It will get better as time goes by. Eventually you will find the ability to look back on the past 14 years honestly, and you will find that while you have lost some signiicant things, you have also managed to get rid of some undesireable things in your life. Even better, you have endless possibilities in front of you now.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
