I think I know why you had that time of not wanting sex.
In the book I mentioned, it did say that once you transition to unconditional love (which involves detachment), the romantic love will fade--and I know in my sitch it has. I "see" my H SO differently than I did before--and I am technically not really attracted to him. I love him but...it's different. But if piecing means letting go of detachment--I may be in trouble. I don't want to go back! Now when he is verbally abusive I can look at him in almost a pitying way. I have some scripts now that I use, I detach from the situation, go out and self-sooth, and come back in a great mood! He isn't able to suck me into his drama, and it's been challenging, but it's working!
Another side of detachment that I love is how I can be so much free-er. I am not worried what he thinks or says (he is SO NEGATIVE)--and I am having a good time finding out who I am without any worries about what he says/thinks. I have been flirty (a complete 180 for me--I have been SO STUPID in this area!! Men LOVE a flirt!!) I have been thanking him for things--again--I have no "expectations"--just the priceless look of confusion on his face is ALL I am looking for!
I KNOW that this is putting me in a positive mood--my PMA has NEVER been so good. Who AM I?? What ELSE can I do???lol. My husband doesn't have a clue. But he is curious. He notices things. He is paying more attention to what I've been doing. I feel the cycle going up, not down.
You are more in control of this than you can begin to realize. I tell you what, I lurk a LOT over in the Infedelity section and there is SO MUCH to learn over there. They are the experts at detachment and all the rest. But the book I mentioned is also fabulous--how to effectively have a conversation with a man is SO different and counter-intuitive to what you and I know. But again--WE crave more from them, so it's up to us to figure it out.
Oh, and one last thing--what you need from them, if it's not something they just "know", has to be lovingly taught. If you want to be satisfied in the bedroom every time, you need to gently say it. And you will have to say it probably 10 times before he "gets it". Once is NEVER enough--2 or 3 times is never enough. 5 is probably the bare minimum and I just figure I need to say it at least 10 times. And of course don't say it when you are ML--say it elsewhere. And detach so that if he has a grumble about it you won't really notice and take it personally. They WILL grumble too--that's another thing. Just KEEP DOING IT.
