If thats a load of bull, how long should it take? I mean how long should one go without love and affection before they either cheat or leave?
Hi DaddyLongShanks, I'm not sure! I've been in that spot for a while now, and believe me, cheating and leaving have both been a real temptation. Now, this is all from my frame of reference in my own M so everyone, please punt this info if it doesn't feel right to you! From what my IC has taught me, if I am feeling without love and affection in my R, my responsibilities are: - learn about things that are missing in my own life (eg self-esteem, self-worth) that my H can't give me... learn things I can to to give those things to myself - begin sharing my feelings with my H about how the lack of love and affection is affecting me AND - figure out what it is that I need from my H to feel loved; to feel that affection etc. - then tell/ask my H accurately, and in a genuine, respectful way, for those exact things... consistently over time
Again, speaking from my sitch here, and until I'm doing that again consistently, I don't have the right to do anything but glue my butt down in this M and keep working at it! No cheating! No leaving!
If after that, my needs are still being disreguarded or unfulfilled, then it's time to stop asking and time to take action. Now I haven't gotten to that point yet, so I don't exactly know what 'action' means (yeek). And I hope to never find out.
I don't know if that helps anyone or not. I know everyone's situations are SO different. But at least it's another viewpoint for consideration.
Yeah many of us are in this position. Getting to that point where your needs are met, I would say shouldn't take over 2 years. It just shouldn't be an afterthought and I don't know how it could slip anyones mind.
I have been doing alot of reading on marriages, infidelity and the such and there are men and women who have not had intimate contact or verbal affirmation from their "spouse" in over 10 years, some over 20 years.
I do love that various verses in the Bible indicate that sex and intimacy is one of gods gifts within marriage and it should be given "freely". There should not be a selfishness behind it.
Proverbs 5:19 "Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy you at all times; and be you ravished always with her love. " http://bible.cc/proverbs/5-19.htm Corinthians 1:7 "2But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. 3The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer." http://niv.scripturetext.com/1_corinthians/7.htm
