Exposure

[JacT]

No my mum didnt.She is so ashamed and now appreciates just what infidelity does to people now both her D's have been exposed to it.I find it hard to forgive my mum for what shes done.
These OP have no morals..I am not sure there is much which penetrate their thick skin.The ow in my sitch has broken numerous R's and gets away with..no friends though..if she was a man she'd have been leathered by now.
Nothing is enough for these evil predators......

[Allen A]

Few families I think DO explain how to deal with infidelity if you run into it, etiher as a LBS, a WS, OR as a third party...

Its just never spoken about... and its a damn SHAME

I am not sympathetic to the OP either... particularly for long term deals. I can understand how someone might be young and stupid and make that mistake once for 3 months or so.. but some of these affairs go on for YEARS... There's a VERY SICK PERSON at the end of that triangle to prey on a home for that long...

Its much like internet bullying, but to a marriage instead of its children... no idea why one gets attention and the other doens't.

[JacT]

We have a mutal friend who had an A and now married to OP.His previous W had an A also.The OP is not happy, feels insecure and def does not trust her H.These relationships are not matches made in heaven.Its a shame there is not more out in there in the way of stats and info to show that it is just destructive behaviour from start to finish and these people left to their own devices are like tornadoes going through peoples lives leaving total devestation.
What right does my H ow have in hurting MY children..tell you Allen I would feed them to the bl***** lions..Here I go again.
My H was disgusted at A and people involved..its a disease..a madness.

[Allen A]

Phil McGraw's website indicates that affair couples have a success rate of less than 1%

Penny Tuppy has indicated on her site that affair couples have a sccess rate of less than 5%

Note : These two stats are very likley using a different measure of success.

For example, Tuppy may consider affair couples who are together 2 years or more a success, while McGraw may consider 5+ years to be a success...

Regardless, given the 50% success rate of the marriages in general, affair coulpes look terribly foolish to attempt such a hopeless enterprise...

THe numbers in my opinion do prove what you are suggesting... that it is literally a pointless escape...

[Allen A]

given the more optimistic 5% success rate vs a 50% success rate to do it properly and honeslty, they just look like pathetic fools

[Piano]

Affiars ARE taboo. I think we live in such permissive times, and hold personal freedom so dear to our culture, that affairs slip through the moral net (also today we like to talk so much more about rights, than morals, as if morals were an outdated notion).
Affairs also freak people out because it causes them to take a stand - to be for or against, and this requires people to be sure of their moral grounding/position. Today though, mutlplicity of viewpoints is celebrated, not village mentality where right and wrong are distinct.
One friend of ours said, "I was reluctant to criticise WAH because I thought , omg what if I do the same thing one day and I get judged?". !!

[JacT]

My H has lived with the ow for 9 months.He was txt her for approx 9 months EA and them moved to PA last year.I told him it would end in tears and think he is determined to make it work.Fool.I have been NC for 7 months and he hasnt seen his girls for 9 months, he WAS a doting father.If you had to provide stats on the impact A have on ur relationship with your children and how many R have fallen apart as a result, maybe that would scare some people. My H said I always thought I would have my kids..Do do have but their not yours..their hers..I wouldnt give my kids u for the lord let alone OP.

[JacT]

I think affairs are on the up because people no longer value marriage,vows and commitment to each other.I know I would never have an A.I just couldnt hurt people they way they hurt.I travelled alot in my previous roles and whilst I gave my H no reason to suspect me having A, he was terrified I would.Yet he does it.
This ow of his D her H for the same thing and what has she done..gone and got her set up with soemone who cheated on his wife of 28 years and his 2 kids.If any person can hurt their kids or someone elses, they are capable of anything in my view

[Allen A]

Yes, Phil McGraw has more or less said the same thing.

It will fall apart, 9 months isn't long enough.. and the more you tell him it will fail the more stubborn he will be to make that scandal into something respectable.

It will fail, I have no doubt... Just enjoy parenthood and self respect... THOSE are two things your H left behind for you to enjoy wtihout even knowing it.

[Allen A]

One friend of ours said, "I was reluctant to criticise WAH because I thought , omg what if I do the same thing one day and I get judged?". !!

This new world value of "not judging" people is a bunch of BS.

Tolerance is important for cultural differences, but not for something that I think is blatantly illegal and cruel.

Where do people get the idea that because you should withold judgement for someone's color or thier sexual orientation that you should withold judgemetn for their destructive activity?

It's nonsense is what it is... miseducative nonsense...