I need help in the biggest way. I feel so helpless

[TimeHeals]

What about a person who wants to know that for a fact they did hurt you? I would not tell these people or try to show it if I can avoid it.

I haven't run up against that in close personal relationships, I guess.

Don't get me wrong: things have been said with the malicous intent to hurt my feelings, and in the past, I just got angry about such things.

Then one day, I just decided getting angry wasn't getting through, and I was playing into a sort of game that justified the attacks, and I just said, "That hurts my feelings when you say that".

The response was, "I don't want to hurt your feelings", and my follow up was, "I didn't think you did, so that's why I am telling you".

Now there's a bit of a white lie in there: the object was most certainly hurting my feelings (and provoking an angry response no doubt). By responding like I did, however, I was able to be very cool about the whole thing, and get my W to think about what she was saying to me.