I don't doubt for a minute that she still held unforgiveness in her heart. Loads of resentment is what starts a lot of these problems. She doesn't trust you to keep your changes b/c you didn't last time. Can you blame her? Sorry,I shouldn't have given you a jab about that, but I'm trying to help you see it from her POV.
I can't fully believe she is being upfront. I still suspect there could be an EA. Don't underestimate it.
My suggestion is that you stop going to church "with" her. She needs to face people with an explanation of why you aren't with her. You can attend another church and even take your kids to visit another church, if they are willing....but I would not force it on them if they are involved where they attend now.
Stop going to family outings (like Sunday lunch) with her. She is playing the part on Sunday. She is eating her cake. It makes her look like the good mother/wife for a couple of hours a week. But, it is for show.
Do nothing to finance her new living arrangements. Remember, it was her choice. She needs to be faced with the choices she made and don't make it easy on her.
Tell her you have other plans when she assumes you will go to church with her or eat dinner with the kids, or babysit for her. You have a life that does not include her. Be mysterous so she will wonder what's going on with "you" and get her mind off of "her".
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
