No, I don't know for sure. He may not have, I hope he didn't but I'm sure he has told her some things.
I also believe that he re-wrote the stories about me & our marriage. When he was telling me why he wanted a divorce (before he knew that I knew about ow & I kept my mouth shut, how I did that I will never know) anyway, everything he was saying was nothing to get a d over. All we needed to do was work some things out. He thought I was putting my church, the dogs & my parents before him amoung some other things that didn't make any sense at the time to me, now I realize MLC. That was the reason, he claimed he wanted a divorce. None of it was true, he also thought that I made him feel guilty when he didn't go to church with me. I asked him how I made him feel guilty, he said that I would come home & tell him that someone told me to tell him hi. Talk about feeling guilty!
I do feel like he told the ow lies, in fact I know he did about some things b/c I read it in the emails he sent to her. I have proof b/c he emailed her one thing & then emailed his friend the truth about an incident. So, he just lied to her.
Their relationship is based on lies, decent & adultry. We'll see what happens, in the mean time I'm trying to take care of me!
It really hurts the lies they tell... I feel for you. My H told his friends, who I had counted as my friends, that I self mutilate and am crazy. They believed him and dumped me, accepting OW into their lives and circle - just like that without ever allowing me a chance to explain. (I cut myself when I was a teen bc some friends were doing it... maybe for like 2 weeks before I decided it was stupid... and that was 23 years ago, 11 years before I even met him and when I was a KID... it's crazy)
They really do say hurtful things and it's a projection of their own fears about themselves. Do not take it personally. I'm sorry you had to read those emails. My H also said mean, hurtful things in an email and yes, lied to OW also.
Wow! I had a friend that cut herself also, but she was mentally unstable. It sounds like you were just being part of the crowd, but it's just stuff like that, that happens years ago, never did it when you were with your H & now he says you are crazy! That's awful!
I know, from my ex's best friend, who by the way called me, said that their high school friends met her & did not like her. She made them feel like they were low life & everyone from that town was nothing, she put them down. He said he had never met anyone like her. That is why my ex's best friend won't have anything to do with him anymore, in fact he told her when he got rid of her they would be friends again. But that is what she wanted, get him away from his friends, that's what sociopaths do. His friend said he had never met anyone so mean & munipulitive, said she was crazy. Ex is in a mess for sure & it's only going to get worse!
Yes, reading those emails were very hard, but I got proof for my lawyer. I still have those emails but I never look at them, NEVER again!
I think you have to have a touch of crazy to be the OW/OM in an affair... if you have high self esteem and are not a little crazy (at least momentarily) - it wouldn't happen, right?
Great advice!!! Yes, it has been 2 years since the divorce was final. I don't know if I'm ready to date, but I'm ready to get out & have some fun. I really don't think this will be a date, it's mostly just meeting this person. It will be with a group, so I think I'm ready for that. I'm actually ready for a change.
Thank you so much for the advice, my ex married that woman 2 months after our divorce was final, I'm not moving that fast! I was like you, I would never date as long as I was married & besides that, I had to give it time. Part of me still feels like I'm M but that feeling is going further away. It's tough being alone. I have my dog, she is like my child & I enjoy just being with her, but it is time to get out. I will be very careful b/c right now, I have a hard time trusting people, especially after all that I have been thru. If this get together happens, great if it doesn't, no worries.
I may not be ready, I'm just ready to get out a little more.
Thanks again!!!! (((HUGS))))
nlt, I identify with you a lot. We both had WAH's, mine also married ow right away (she was pregnant before we even got divorced) and I know how much pain you are in.
Was your h married before he met you? Mine was and I know for a fact that they talk about us because mine complained about his former w too.
We aren't special to them once they leave. They are not "brainwashed" or otherwise "ill," and it would be so nice to believe that. But the cold facts are that they have someone else and have moved on.
They aren't coming back. We have to accept that. I know it's hard, but it's true.
And for those of you out there with your freak instances of the returning, remorseful spouse, don't bother trying to admonish me. These are too rare to be taken seriously. Especially when there is a new wife and child in the picture.
We aren't special to them once they leave. They are not "brainwashed" or otherwise "ill," and it would be so nice to believe that. But the cold facts are that they have someone else and have moved on.
They aren't coming back. We have to accept that. I know it's hard, but it's true.
And for those of you out there with your freak instances of the returning, remorseful spouse, don't bother trying to admonish me. These are too rare to be taken seriously. Especially when there is a new wife and child in the picture.
Kimmie,
I am sorry that you had such a disturbing ending to your marriage and it has left you somewhat jaded to other people’s desire to have hope.
While I too support people in their own growth, strength, and moving forward with their life…
I do not try to convince anyone that there is no hope.
While you feel that the instances of a returning remorseful S are too rare to be true, they happen often enough for people to be able to maintain hope if they so choose. I have watched too many people reconcile, or not reconcile but consider reconciling, after time helps them heal, to be willing to accept your view.
If we choose to just “accept” that they aren’t coming back right away, what does that say about us? And the love that we felt for our S? We are no better than them then morally speaking. Marriages are not disposable. Sometimes they are not fixable but it is not just something you walk away from because you don’t like what is happening. At least most people don’t…
And until you recognize that people do have mental and emotional problems, and that they do become more easily influenced by others…
Maybe someday you can find a way to have hope, trust, love, and the ability to forgive in your life again…
For your own happiness...
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Gosh! I haven't been on your thread in ages, nlt. I just thought I had to respond to Kimmie Lee's post. I don't think all situations are the same, Kimmie Lee. You knew that your XH was capable of having an A before you married him, since he had one with you. Whereas, nlt's did not display these tendencies. Your XH will likely leave his present wife too, baby or no baby. I would guess that the baby will make it more likely since the new wife will no longer have the time or energy to give to him as she did before. Friends have told nlt how different her XH is compared to before he left. I do believe that some men are just entranced by manipulative women who make it their job to get married men to leave happy marriages. There aren't a lot of them, but they are out there. Your XH is an adulterer and always will be --- there are those men who are serial adulterers. I feel sorry for the women involved with them. A happy marriage does not make you safe from A's. Nothing does except, perhaps, open communication, truth and honesty, and even then, I doubt you are safe. I don't know what can protect you from a H or W committing adultery. I guess one should never take one's happy marriage for granted. There may always be that time when your H/W meets the wrong person that ignites something in them for whatever reason.
I hope you have loads of fun with other people and that you meet someone special again, nlt. There is no guarantee that another person can be trusted, but one must always live in hope that there are those who will be honest in R's.
Well, that's my opinion --- I could be wrong. Take care.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
