I need help in the biggest way. I feel so helpless

[FindingMyVoice]

I replied back that reiterating what he said to me on Sunday night about not wanting a divorce and that he had lied about wanting a D and that he wanted to get our lives on track. but I also said that I didn't know exactly what that meant?
that I didn't want to play house and make things to appear okay.
well, that set him off. Was I wrong in what I said?

No, I don't think you were at all. I think you are doing just fine. I'm glad you asked him to clarify what he said, if you weren't fully understanding his meaning. If you felt unsure, then you needed and deserved for it to be clarified! His nasty reaction says more about where his head is at, than whether your question was valid. So please don't wonder if you were wrong in what you said. You have a right to speak to and ask for whatever your heart and mind needs clarified. It's his reaction that was wrong. You can trust yourself!

I explained to him that he needed to say that especially after all the back and forth he has done and how adamant he has been about NOT wanting to work things out. Then he goes on to say I'm a bad mother.. I can't handle the kids. They don't listen to me and I just push them off on others (ie my mom).

Way to go. And I think you threw him too! I think him switching topics so quickly shows he's not used to you asserting yourself like that. So instead he goes on the offensive and criticizes you for something else because he can't figure out how to respond... he hasn't thought through his own feelings and actions enough to be able to speak to them. So for him it's 'safer' to just keep putting you on the defensive. Does that sound like it might be what's happening?

Although it still hurts and I have to admit that a few tears have been shed over it this morning.

I'm so sorry you're hurting. Hang in there.. you can handle this!