Ok, these aren't all I need or getting Pam out but they are problems I have identified and came up with some things to try to see if it helps to address them any. I know some of these I have already tried, but not for a long enough time period to see if they work or for them to become a habit.

Goals for Pam:

Don't expect David or the bb to solve emotional upsets:
write out in word processor, sit with it and read again later. This is working great this morning. Didn't start it till after the phone call and posting earlier. But gonna keep this one up as looks like a winner.

Stop knee jerk reacting:
if possible wait, look at situation a bit later and see if there is another angle that could be the correct one

Stop negative self thoughts:
Use LL's suggestion of the mirror, or write good things about Pam in word processor or even do both

Learn to think:
whenever possible practice this in any situation I can, listen, and think, don't just respond

Keep doing the Calm Water meditation and keep it in thoughts, can't hear what others are saying if your own head is to busy. Be still and listen, then think, then respond if necessary.

Do not allow a persecution complex, and negative self worth to control how I feel about situations:
Stop ask myself if the way I am feeling about something could be tied to either of those problem thought patterns for me.

Don't sign onto AIM at all as would be a temptation to disturb David at work till not doing so becomes a habit.

Don't start the bb up till maybe check on at noon while eating lunch.

Pam

"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned
so as to have the life that is waiting for us"