Husband left me 3 months pregnant...

[AliSuddenly]

Hello babydoll,

Sorry to clarify.. 4 months is not very long at all (read my sitch if you want to see where we were at around 4-6 months in!).. the point about not contacting him but always being there for him when he contacts you is...its about comfort levels. Your H has withdrawn and done this to protect himself. He has some sort of crisis in himself that impending fatherhood has bought to light (I am sure it sounds as though he has) and its NOT about you.

I would contact bf only when HE was comfortable with me contacting him, or seeking him out. I ALWAYS replied to his attempts to contact me and I never turned down an invite from him. I was consistently available. I also was very careful to 'match' him.. if he sent an email of a few lines, I sent one back in a similiar 'style'. If he wanted to keep chatting on the phone, I said I was free to talk... I matched his mood and was basically there for him, without placing expectations on him that he should be there for me.

It sounds awful when you describe it, like you are being a 'doormat' but you arent, what you are doing is.. RESPECTING his boundaries. Someone who chooses to leave us, has the right to and they also have the right to not want to see us. Just because we still love them and want to see us, doesnt give us the right to pursue them. We all have free will. If you still want him back as a partner, I would say do some more reading on men in MLC and maybe work on that forgiveness.. as that was the biggest thing I gave BF. Right from the start, I saw it that he had had some kind of breakdown and that therefore, none of it was really his fault, so I had forgiveness.

Although he gave me NO explanations at all before the bomb (when he started to withdraw from the R) during the bomb and the whole time we were apart... since getting back together he has told me "I had a breakdown, its like I went insane, I literally cant put my mind back into my mind then and fathom why I behaved the way I did". He also carried on as though normal, which is maddening hey?.. he worked hard at his job and spent time with family and made new friends (he even dated for 8 months, grrr!) but.. in fact, he was very very depressed the whole time and very unhappy he has since told me. Desperately unhappy.

The clue here is that he CRIED when you talked about the D. When my bf came to collect his stuff after telling me he was leaving me for good, he also broke down and cried. Dbers told me to just hug him and say, this is hard for you isnt it? And thats what I did.. he couldnt believe it. I said NOTHING about my own feelings, I was just there for him.. and thats the memory I left him with, when he left. And thats what counts. Not putting your emotions on them. Its soooo hard though, of course it is, but just try.

Things arent always what they seem. Sorry for long posts!! I feel your sitch has potential, good luck,
Al x