Okay, well I've been reading at marriagebuilders.com , and it seems that they would say I've taken the wrong approach. Apparently, my H was vulnerable to an Emotional Affair because I wasn't meeting all of his emotional needs and because we'd ceased to be each other's fun buddies. The advice there suggests that I should be playing nice and trying to meet his emotional needs - not giving an ultimatum and exposing. So now I'm completely nervous in my approach - what if I just drove him further away? What if my handling of the EA is going to be the real nail in the coffin? I still love him and want it to work. But at the same time, I don't know if I have it in me to play nice given everything that's gone on.
Also, a lot of the advice I'm reading in multiple places says things like "WS must completely cut off all contact with OP," but there is no advice for how to encourage this than to be nice and try to meet emotional needs. Which is where the idea of ultimatums and exposing come into play. . . gives the beytrayed spouse some power back and makes one feel like there is something that can be done. But of course now I'm worried this will seriously backfire and have the opposite of the intended effect. I know there are no guarantees in this situations, but certainly enough people have gone through this in a lifetime for there to be "best practices" in place for encouraging a spouse back onto the right track.
I feel like I'm in the Tower of Babel . . . every source is contradicting another source . . . some of the advice contradicts common sense (which is sometimes appealing) . . . but at the end of the day I still feel like I'm shooting in the dark.
