Soaring Solo 2010

[hoosiermama]

I've been raked over the coals pretty hard here in the DB forums for venting here and the (wrongly-assumed) perception I might let those emotions out before my children. (If that were the actual case, I'd fully agree, but I won't get off on that tangent now.)

me too, and that right there is why I mostly post positives these days. this no longer seems a safe place to vent--and it was my only safe place. it's just not worth it when you have to then go back and defend and explain and still get raked over the coals for not being somewhere emotionally that you're not. I feel for you.

[antlers]

It is a safe place to vent. I'm sorry you feel otherwise. I hope it'll change for you regarding that. I hope you'll come here to 'vent' whenever you feel the need.

[iwantittowork]

Sorry HM and others that you don't feel you can vent here. I seem to do my fair share of venting for sure..

I hope you feel you can post what you feel, maybe people are just not reacting well to how things are worded in a forum posting?

It is hard to get the feeling of what someone is writing, and what's behind it..

For me, I try not to take what people write to me personally, as how they interpret or react to what I write is something I can't control..

[Gardener]

Thanks, all.
Two unrelated points, so two posts.
Post 1:
I have finally hit the anger stage of having been suddenly - and inexplicably - abandoned. Not rage. Just good, healthy it's-about-friggin'-time anger.
The Journey From Abandonment To Healing - and my new IC have helped tremendously.

I am an easy-going man and slow to anger. And my anger has usually been measured and appropriate and, I think, well expressed. Admittedly, this was not true as a younger man, in my twenties or early thirties, long before I met X Mrs. G.
I have realized with IC's help that I virtually eliminated (expressed) anger from my emotional repertoire over the years with X.

X's father was physically abusive - a beater - and a rager. As a result, when I did get justifiably angry (we never really "fought" or yelled), but when I would get justifiably angry and even raised my voice - and I'm talking decibels, here, not yelling or screaming at all - X's "old tapes" replayed and she reacted to her father, not to me. Reacted as if I was yelling, screaming, raging. Over time, I reactively toned it down so much that I damn near eliminated it...out of fear of her over-the-top over-reaction to it.
Not good.

Whence came resentment.

Resentment that was my contribution to the downfall of the marriage. That and not knowing about -nor therefore setting - boundaries.

Now, I am mad again. Over the bomb, the abandonment of me, marriage, vows, home and family.

Healthy.
About damned time, in one sense.
Too damned late in another sense.

[Gardener]

As promised, Post #2:

I will be off these boards for several days. Not sure if I mentioned this in a previous post, but a couple of weeks ago, older S, 34 sent me round trip tickets to Denver to visit him for five days saying, basically - God bless him - "Hey, you: get out here for a few days. You need it. I miss you."

So, tomorrow's (this morning's) flight is at 8:00. I will be back Sunday evening.

Been dying to see him and his new small house atop a mountain with a 360 degree view of...mountains.

So I will be off these boards because of my five-day itinerary.
Let's see...where is that itinerary? Oh, yeah! Here it is:

Nederland Colorado Itinerary
April 28 - May 2

1. Relax

End Nederland, Colorado Itinerary

I'll probably check in here before I leave in a few hours.
But whether I do or don't, Goodbye.

And remember our two common basics here:
1) We are all - all - greater than the challenges we face.
2) We are all - all - better people than the spouses who wronged us.

And you all saved my sanity this past year. Thank you and God bless you.

[flowmom]

Have a great trip Gardener!

And I think it's a big breakthrough that you're feeling the anger and gaining insight about why that's been hard for you.

[Gardener]

Thanks, aver

Next time, ask if you can give her your number!!

But Gardener is nowhere near relationship-ready at this point.

[Gardener]

Thanks, fm.
See ya Sunday. Have a good week.

[avermont]

Well, I got busted on for worrying that one "date" with a guy was the wrong thing to do, cause I am no wise ready for an R.

And many people chimed in and said "it's just a date! don't make such a big deal out of it!"

But I understand.

Enjoy your trip. Time away will be good.

[Virtually_Handsome]

Thanks, aver

Next time, ask if you can give her your number!!

But Gardener is nowhere near relationship-ready at this point.

Enjoying the company of another human isn't quite the same thing as a relationship. I would advise speading the wings a little.