Oh, all of this reads like my life. For me it was my husband and his secretary. Again...started as EA, I was unconfortable, spoke up a little, lived in denial and trusted my husband while "bought" all the justifications and tales always felt something was way off. I could have written what you did.
This board helped me open my eyes to the fact that no, they are not just friends. Life does not work that way and it was a full blown everything relationship.
Trust your instincts and take all advice with a grain of salt and reflection before acting. You will be okay. It is pure hell.
I don't know which route you should go. Divorce Busting was the best route in my case because things were SO bad that had I demanded he end it it would not have worked. But also my husband stated after so many conversations that if I saw this coming, why didn't I speak up? Anyway, I showed him my pain and talked about how much it hurt me but I never said clearly "End it" "no contact" "she needs to find another job". By the way because of stupid legal stuff she is still working with him...that is the challenge I am currently fighting.
Good luck and take excellent care of yourself and you will find the right things to do. The coaches here were really good too.
