Soaring Solo 2010

[Gardener]

Thanks, all.
Two unrelated points, so two posts.
Post 1:
I have finally hit the anger stage of having been suddenly - and inexplicably - abandoned. Not rage. Just good, healthy it's-about-friggin'-time anger.
The Journey From Abandonment To Healing - and my new IC have helped tremendously.

I am an easy-going man and slow to anger. And my anger has usually been measured and appropriate and, I think, well expressed. Admittedly, this was not true as a younger man, in my twenties or early thirties, long before I met X Mrs. G.
I have realized with IC's help that I virtually eliminated (expressed) anger from my emotional repertoire over the years with X.

X's father was physically abusive - a beater - and a rager. As a result, when I did get justifiably angry (we never really "fought" or yelled), but when I would get justifiably angry and even raised my voice - and I'm talking decibels, here, not yelling or screaming at all - X's "old tapes" replayed and she reacted to her father, not to me. Reacted as if I was yelling, screaming, raging. Over time, I reactively toned it down so much that I damn near eliminated it...out of fear of her over-the-top over-reaction to it.
Not good.

Whence came resentment.

Resentment that was my contribution to the downfall of the marriage. That and not knowing about -nor therefore setting - boundaries.

Now, I am mad again. Over the bomb, the abandonment of me, marriage, vows, home and family.

Healthy.
About damned time, in one sense.
Too damned late in another sense.