I am really sorry you are in so much pain. Maybe somebody else can chime in but I really don't know what else I can contribute.
While I have never been in the position of losing children or having multiple R's that resulted in children I have to say it sounds like your priorities are a little skewed IMO.
Walking away from a situation doesn't mean you can't love somebody. IMO it seems you and your W have a very unhealthy sort of love with co-dependency but I am no expert. It simply means sometimes one or two people have created so much destruction something different has to happen or the cycle will repeat and each time it will be worse. You might not see it but there is so much blame and very little accountability.
I don't know, James. I understand having to do something you don't want to do but to hear you say you just want to "cheer your WAW up" seems so unhealthy. This is way beyond cheering up and a very, very serious situation for not one one or two but FIVE people (three of them being very young children).
That is not to say with the proper therapy and work a R cannot be restored someday but right now there are far more pressing issues for the both of you. Without the therapy I really don't see how a healthy foundation can be built.
