Stamina with hope

[WCW]

I used to say that H and I had a gap wider than the Grand Canyon to cross to get back together. Wellll, the gap is getting smaller.

In 2003 my H changed like a light bulb. It took 9 months before it clicked and I'd open my eyes enough to mistrust my Knight in Shining Armor and start looking for evidence of why he changed and treated me like a cowpie.

There's all the gory details in gobs of threads somewhere on this site. Ugly.

I always wonder why H never truly took the last of his stuff and moved out to his secret place. Maybe he knew I would be true to my word when I said if he drove out the driveway to have all his stuff with him because I didn't want him coming back. Anything else I said was empty ultimatums.

I filled my life with the things I love, I worked like a dog to prove that I could keep all the balls in the air even without H. One of the first friends I made here told me that I should let H feel needed. I wish I would have known how to do that.

I never believed that H would not want our life we built, although it doesn't make sense when he tried for so long to leave. I kept my hope, and I had stamina. I got tired of people telling me to move on. I did not want to move on, but I kept moving forward and left room for H to come with me.

H has been inching his way back into my life just as he inched out. He's back in our bed almost every night after 6 years on the couch. H has the softness and care back in his voice. We talk easily about a lot of things but we have a lot of hard discussions ahead of us yet. I do not think we will ever have the fairy tail M back that I thought I had, but we still have plenty of time to work on a new version.