"All rise"

[faithisbelieving]

Gardener...no offense was ever taken. Sorry if that came across.

To Beginning Again: The main cause of my wife's anger, IMO, was basically the following:

• The State of NY requires one to find fault with the other person unless you file for a year of separation. It was my opinion, after spending 17 months here, reading Dr. Grey's book, reading the pdf on infidelity that I quoted way back and looking at my STBXW's pattern of behavior, that my marriage had become destructive, unhealthy and not salvageable. Therefore, I felt divorce was a better option than separation. My only choice then, was cruel and inhuman punishment. That requires writing 30 things to the state, quite a repugnant thing to do to the woman you wanted to spend a life with. I told her repetitively, as bworl knows, that I didn't want to do it and that separation was NOT an option for me. We either went to work on the marriage or I was done. She chose NOT to work on the marriage.
• Next, based on my STBXW's behavior, I filed for full custody. That sent her over the edge
• Nothing was in her name...the car, house, etc
• Prior to filing, in order to keep the house out of foreclosure and liens, I refinanced. I discussed this with her but she claims I did it behind her back. She went nuts. We had retained realtors and were going to put the house up for sale but the market went bad. I refinanced and got another HELOC (thank G-d). She has bitterly attacked me on this throughout but it has kept the house free, clear and out of foreclosure (of course, she doesn't see this and blames me for everything).

So, I am either a surgeon who takes care of sick people, was recently asked to be a candidate for the medical board and is the most hands on loving dad in NY (well, along with all the other great loving dads here)

OR

I am a lazy no good POS who limits their income so that they can go on their daughter's field trip, is vile, disgusting, a liar and hoodwinked her into thinking I was a good man and kept her in a marriage that was a lie; there was never any chemistry and I pushed her into the backseat of a car for a one night stand yada yada.

I'll let you all make your own decisions.

FIB