Husband left me 3 months pregnant...

[gatsby11]

Good call, Piano. It's about you, BD!

I hope that you check in to see us write this.

Time helps. . .

[Piano]

I am signing the D papers. I don't have any more energy to DB or any fight in me to keep believing.

nothing has changed, except fo rmaybe th eanger in me. Why be friends but not my husband? Why want to move in to help when baby is born but not when i was Pregnant and needed you? Why want to participate in baby naming, birthing classes, and furniture shopping, but not want to be a family? If you want to just be a dad... get a dog already! or go find someone else to have a baby with! Im tired of someone toying with my emotions. Im tired of the whole game. He left almost 4 months ago... didnt just leave me... but left me pregnant.

4 months for me too. Yep, they are the questions, alright....
You know, I think it is Robx who talks about the time thing... it can take a years for our WAS's to develop their unhapiness...so it's gonna take maybe the same time for them to come around (if at all).

They need time to miss you.

We need time to heal and feel - but REALLY feel - we are OK with any outcome.

So let's do what G says and focus on TIME and PATIENCE.

And becoming more positive.

And let's not let the drama queens define who we are or steal our happiness.

[newmama]

Babydoll, I understand that you need to leave to take time for yourself. But will you please check in with us in the future just to let us know how you are doing?

I know you will be okay. It will be hard but you will be ok. And divorcing while pregnant will take a long time due to unknowns about the baby. So hang in there! ((((HUGS!))))

[Babydoll]

Thanks NM, G and P,

I told H i was signing the papers... he said I dont have to I have a choice. He sounded like he was crying? I sobbed all night last night.

I cant begin to tell you how much your support means to me. I said i was staying away and then find myself peaking in just to get some stregnth... and wisdom from you all. Thx.

I am going to work on me, and my patience...

[newmama]

so are you going to take more time before deciding to sign??

[LSG]

Hi Babydoll,

I have been thinking about you since your said you will be staying away. I am so glad you are here still even if just peaking in. I am so sorry to hear about the pain you are feeling. I did not post sooner because my sitch is going so far the other direction than I had hoped.

I just wanted to let you know I hope you the best for your sitch and any decisions you choose in your life to make you happy.

This is not an easy time for you and D is such a difficult choice to make. You have to make that choice for you.

I am glad you are working on you and taking your time with the decisions you make.

Take care yourself. We are all here just to support you to find happiness for you in your life.

[gatsby11]

Just saying hello. . hope the weather is good in your area, and that all is well with you. . .

[Piano]

Everything going OK, BD?

[Babydoll]

Hi All,

I am ok. I signed the paper and am doing nothing with it... who am I kidding! I dont want a D! I have this vision of shredding the papers and stuffing the shreds in a ziplock, telling H to come pick up the papers and handing him the bag of confetti. The thought of it makes me happy.

I have given up on crying and pleading. I do well with NC, and then one thing makes me sad, or angry, or make me think of H and then i get the urge to text! Today... I was very good and did nothing. Maybe because I know it not only pushes H further away, but I know that H for whatever reason does not want me in his life. Not sure he ever will. Right now, I can not think of the future... just need to take care of me right now!

Trying to keep myself busy and staying positive... doesnt always work, i do have at least one crying episode a day... i ask myself so many questions, i blame myself for things that went wrong, i try to think of how to save my H and think bc i was 'that person' in his life to always bail him out of his feelings, or the one to pick him up, and well, i am learning that I am and never was responsibile for any of it. I told H a while back that I take 100% responsibility for my part in what went wrong in our M. and I stand by that entirely. But we had no real issues that could not be fixed, no huge issues that were reasons for him to leave. I am truly learning to detach. For me and for him. Its the only way I could help him...by letting go. And more over, its the best way to help me and my son.

MIL and FIL came over last week. Thy are so sad w/ H. they want to help with the baby furniture and their family wants to help out with baby gifts... its so hard bc they were my family for so long. I'm sure H loves this. They were so loving and we didnt talk about H. We talked about the baby and me... the only time they brought up H was to say they are praying so hard and not giving up on how H felt for me. They think he will come around... I said I prayed to everyone and anyone and im not sure anything will bring H home... it made them sad... made me sadder... but they said they are not giving up.

My last conversation with H, he said he does miss us sometimes, but wouldnt say what he missed, bc he said then I would say 'we can get that back', and said he loved me and truly wanted to start a family with me in the fall, and again when i asked then how do you have a change of heart so suddenly, he refuses to answer, and simple says we are not going through this again. Again? he never had a reason!!!! its times like these, that i realize, he doesnt even really know why he left... he just had something overwhelmingly huge come over him and convince him it was the right thing to do.

H wants to be involved with baby 100%. I said absolutely not. As for now, this day, this week, i need to 'fake it' and make him think this is how it will be. I can not show him that I will forgive him. Or that I will make it easy for him. H needs to see the repurcussions of his actions. I nall of this I truly feel he is dillusional and relies on the fact that I am a good person and care for him so much, that I would sacrifice my love and feelings to have him be a part of the baby's life! I was sooooo upset, H said 'you are so predicatable'. That was the final straw that made me see that I WAS JUST DOING EVERYTHING HE EXPECTED! The calls, the cries, the pleading, the fighting.... HELLO!!!!! It was like MWD was on my shoulder saying... told you so!

i ended the conversation by saying that I agree with the D. And that with everything in me that loved him and was in love with, is not turning to anger and hatred. Said I dont think we can ever get past what he did and i am not capable of forgiving him. I told him of all of the stupid things in our M that made me upset. It was stupid to do so, but i felt like i wanted him to know, I didnt think we were this perfect couple... and we both had faults and we both couldve wanted things differntly. But most of all, we couldve worked on things togetehr for the better. (this is my 180 as H often said you act like we never had problems... sad to say, but we really didnt )i also told him how I felt with his going back to school, and h putting himself first and so on... I ended it by saying I agree this is the best thing for us and I am falling out of love with you too now.

An hour later, he sent a text saying "im sorry I made you feel that way"...

i ignored the text. Went to bed. Didnt write back, even when i really wanted to. Today... I was good, no calls, no texts. I am grey! not going completely dark... just being me. Living life for me. If H wants to be in my life, or my son's life, he needs to fight for it. i need to have him drop a LOVE BOMB and fight for us... yes us... not just me, not just baby.

H says baby has nothing to do with me. And when we talk if we talk about the baby, its fine, but no reason to bring us up. I said we are a package deal! Its either you are our family or nothing at all!

Now... lets see how long I can keep this up... so far... 22 hours... and going strong!

[newmama]

Wow Babydoll- you should re-read this every time you are tempted to contact him:

Today... I was good, no calls, no texts. I am grey! not going completely dark... just being me. Living life for me. If H wants to be in my life, or my son's life, he needs to fight for it. i need to have him drop a LOVE BOMB and fight for us... yes us... not just me, not just baby.

Sending you strength!!