Hi New Mama - Not sure how to pull quotes from your comments, so let me try to answer your questions in order.
1. "It's only a matter of time before I have to deal with him in regards to my daughter." Well, my daughter has a ballet recital this Friday - I can't see him missing that. To complicate things, grandparents on both sides have been invited (and all know the sitch). If he's still "kicked out" at that point, what do I do? Just act normal and cordial but not initiate conversation? What do I say to him when he calls wanting to pick up D?
2. I don't know for sure that that my H and she are on the outs. He says they are, but it's entirely possible, given his continued contact with her, that he's just decided to take it underground to things I can't track. When he lies or is dishonest about his contact with her, how can I beleive what he says about the status of their relationship. I agree that it's a big decision to expose to anyone he works with - which is why I have sought advice here before acting. If he had left those CONVOS open for me to see, I would have known for sure that he was discussing "ending it" with her. For all I know, they were discussing plans for tonight (he had plans to work late - when I arrived to office tonight, he was at the office, but parked right next to her. So she was there too . . . working late. And again, not that it's uncommon for accountants to work late, but still).
3. Family therapy: We already had 5 sessions with a MC leading up to this - the last one was 2 weeks ago. At one point, he agree that he would end the relationship with her if our MC verified that it was inappropriate. When that happened, my H deflected MC's judgment and instead went on a "well . . . he's so old and traditional, of course he thinkgs that.. ." kick. He also tried post-MC to deflect the conversations about OW to "it's not an OW issue, it's an us issue." He said things like he just doesn't think we're compatible, maybe I can't be happy with a guy who has his career, etc. Nevermind that we dated for 4 years before being married and have been married for 5 (he's bucking responsibility, not me - we got along fine when it was all fun and games).
Anyway, thanks for your support, ear, and advice. I really appreciate this forum. It's helping me not to lose my mind.
