Long day, but a good one. I'm very tired, but I thought I'd share the notes from this IC session before bed time.

*I began the session by sharing the positive and/or comforting things from the week. IC was pleased that I had found some good to share.
*I told her about my crisis training workshop from the day before, and she and I laughed about how I have not taken my own curriculum to heart.
*We discussed forgiveness and compassion and how they could help me deal with my feelings of anger.
*IC asked me to examine ways H might have felt inadequate (contributing to the home, being able to console me after my mother died, my pushing him away and distancing myself in my grief, my absorbing myself in work to avoid my sadness).
*She then asked me to examine ways that H was helpful during my difficult times (his physical presence was what I determined was most helpful, though that was not the only thing. Just having him near was incredibly comforting).
*IC said that at some point (when H is ready to listen in an open and non-judgmental way), I can acknowledge why I might have done some of the things I did. I could also share what he did that was helpful to me and what I appreciate.
*She said that I should express that my distancing myself was not about him and that it is not my judgment that he is inadequate. In other words, it was not about him.
*I can share all these things, but I have to leave it to him to come to terms with his feelings about himself, his guilt, and his adequacy/inadequacies. She also said that there's a danger that he could continue to engage in blaming. Things won't change for us unless both of us are willing to work on change.
*Breathing--IC told me to practice breathing on a regular basis, especially when I feel my anxiety increasing. My breathing should be slow and go all the way down to my diaphragm. [More breathing lessons next week. We ran out of time today.]

IC also looked over a workbook that I bought and said she thought it would be a valuable resource for me. It's called The Cognitive Behavioral Workbook for Anxiety. It just came today, and I'm excited to begin using it.