This isn't just about making plans. I would venture to say you do this in most all areas of your life. You question in your mind many decisions you make...
Not really... But in this situation, yeah, totally.
Aight I'll respond to your sitch first. Knight's is going to take a little more thinking.
I've read what robx, gucci and everyone is saying and what you're saying.
I know where you're coming from. Trust me I do. I hear alot of the same things you are hearing from WAW.
Yet we have ML several times and she's affectionate and is planning to do something on my bday.
Remember this this sitch is not all your fault. I'm pretty sure there are things about WAW that have lead to your M being in the state that it's in.
I'm glad she's open to counseling.
The ML screwed with your head. I know it did. It probably confused the heck out of both of you.
The consistent conversations and light chi chat is making you analyze the motives behind it.
Take it one conversation, encounter, day at a time. What you are doing is making her pursue.
I agree with the vets. What you are doing is making her pursue you so why change that?
I look at it like this. The thing she is resenting you for are going to take time for her to heal from.
It makes her angry that she felt she had to leave for you to change.
Give her space. Don't crowd her. You'll make her run. Don't answer every call or text. I don't think you should back out on the plans you've set.
You're panicking too. You want a sure thing that if you do these dates then you won't get hurt or lose her.
Trust me I know what that feels like.
Have you set boundaries? Are you enforcing them? You are trying to do what I used to try and do. Understand my WAW and analyze things logically. that is not going to work.
She also is going to question your motives (either outright or in her own mind) when you apply your db principles and the changes that "seem" to be there because she's going to only think you are doing them to get her back and then they will stop.
I mean it's only been a week since you guys have started talking again. Just take it slow. Stick to your guns. Listen to the vets. If it's not broke don't try to fix it.
When I got my new job WAW stated how much happier I seem. How her life is a mess. How old she feels. All of these miserable things.
She is wondering why you are not falling apart.
She is confused and scared about everything. Did she make the right decision? Are you really changing? Will she end up hurt? Was MLing a mistake? You have to keep working on you and giving her space.
Rome wasn't rebuilt in a day after nero set it on fire. Give it some time.
waw 36 (spiritual covenant and common law marriage)me 32 together 13 mos. Bomb dropped march 2nd 2010
children SD (8) S (10) S (3) need help from anyone with my sitch
I think I realized today that I am not detached, at all. I was nervous and tense when we talked.
I am not getting a good vibe from what I have been doing.
She told me things like she only wants to see me because she we were together for a long time, and I'm all she knows. She told me she "likes" me and cares about me, but her feelings for me are "pretty much" gone. She also said "its just too late... I think".
She THINKS its to late, her feelings for me are PRETTY MUCH gone.
I found myself totally obsessing over those words... And I realized that I am hanging on every word she says just waiting and waiting and waiting to hear what I want to hear, and it isn't gonna happen.
I need to chill the hell out here. I need to frickin' get a hold of myself.
And I need to get through the zoo on Sunday, and camping after that without making a freakin' fool of myself and just making things worse.
I really need to get serious about this stuff here, or I'm just gonna end up miserable and defeated, which is basically how I felt for most of today and hated it.
I think I realized today that I am not detached, at all. I was nervous and tense when we talked.
I am not getting a good vibe from what I have been doing.
She told me things like she only wants to see me because she we were together for a long time, and I'm all she knows. She told me she "likes" me and cares about me, but her feelings for me are "pretty much" gone. She also said "its just too late... I think".
She THINKS its to late, her feelings for me are PRETTY MUCH gone.
I found myself totally obsessing over those words... And I realized that I am hanging on every word she says just waiting and waiting and waiting to hear what I want to hear, and it isn't gonna happen.
I need to chill the hell out here. I need to frickin' get a hold of myself.
And I need to get through the zoo on Sunday, and camping after that without making a freakin' fool of myself and just making things worse.
I really need to get serious about this stuff here, or I'm just gonna end up miserable and defeated, which is basically how I felt for most of today and hated it.
just validate and reassure man. Give her some space. remember believe half of what you see.
she's very confused. You are too. THE ML probably did it man. All those different feelings.
don't push her. don't force her. just listen. If you feel the R talk is too much then change the subject to something light.
You'll be ok. Just breathe and take it easy.
waw 36 (spiritual covenant and common law marriage)me 32 together 13 mos. Bomb dropped march 2nd 2010
children SD (8) S (10) S (3) need help from anyone with my sitch
I just need to suck it up and detach and move on, and I need to figure out how to do that fast.
I'm not saying give up, but I realized today that as long as im this unstable and emotional I am gonna do more harm than good.
I don't even think its about boundaries or anything at this point like that. What boundaries can I set? We live apart, our talks are calm, but its not like were moving towards getting back together at all with them, and when we spend time together we have a good time but nothing changes afterwards. She still doesnt wanna be with me.
I'm not saying I'm gonna blow this up, but I'm just done trying. I'm done trying to force anything. I can't force anything and I need to accept that and let it go.
