MLC - standing by my man

[Marked&Healed]

Phew, just read your whole thread in one marathon session. Wonderful story so far. You are doing so great. I see so many similarities in our situations, but who can't say that, right? Never did get my copy of that playbook they all seem to use... I mailed away for it.

Re: validating from early on -

I don't know if it helps or makes things worse (by validating), but actually no worse came of it. It almost seems like by not arguing with H about the history, he stops dwelling on the bad vision, because there's no one to argue with about it, and you get a chance to say a tiny bit to remind him of all the good things you are. Does that make sense?

This is a great observation - and I have also seen H change his position when I validate. I have to learn to validate more, still raw enough that I'm fighting the sitch rather than validate his feelings.

One thing that comes to mind, though, is about this rewritting history. My H had been doing that to some degree for a long time, and SOOO much now. Would even rewrite the same thing different ways in a single week.

Again - playbook stuff here, huh?

Something that struck me about your husband ( a few pages ago) was his email messages about him being trustworthy. That came up with my husband as well, he just somehow didn't understand why I didn't think I could trust him about things. For years he was always the one who told me "trust is the most important part of a relationship", of course that went out the window with his MLC. When I actually asked him outright "don't you understand WHY I can't trust you?" His reply was that he was 'mostly trustworthy". As if somehow the OW and his affair didn't count and should be overlooked.

Not to laugh at anyone's pain, but LOL - WTH? Why, how, what is in their minds. More script... but seriously, my H is appalled that I don't trust him... WTH?

Looking back, depression seems to be evident in my H for a few years and OW just happened in Nov, so it does seem to be a good predictor, but you don't see it until your hindsight sharpens.

Going to still be a long road, but at least you can be MORE certain of the path you are on. Remember patience and don't lose focus of you. You're really doing great.