Possible EA - Need Advice

[newmama]

My one worry is that perhaps this was just a friendship and my husband made all the wrong decisions. After all, I have no conclusive proof of his emotional feelings for her OR any physical contact. I'm just going on the amount of contact, the lies, the covering up, deleted messages, etc . . . oh and his clinging to this "friendship" at the constant expense of his family.

Melody--IT WAS MORE than a friendship! Your H barely protested when you confronted him, correct? Admission of guilt...but you have your gut, and you had plenty of evidence that also lines up with EAs. Meaning everyone else whose spouse had an EA share 95% commonalities- excessive time on phone, internet, spending more time with the OP than you, and they worked together...

So, going forward, I'm not sure what to do. I think it goes something like "GAL," "don't initiate contact," etc. In that respect, I'd like advice for how to negotiate this when we have a 4 year old child together. He makes it clear that he loves her tremendously and I'm sure it's only a matter of time before I have to deal with him in regards to her. The other thing is that of course it's hard to GAL when you've got a small child and not much help or money to hire help. Suggestions there are appreciated.

Wait-what do you mean only a matter of time before you have to deal with him in regard to your daughter?

Here are some suggestions for next steps- go to marriagebuilders.com and read all about how to recover from an affair. Print out the free emotional needs questionnaire. You and your H both complete it. Read other stuff on that site-Dr. Harley is an expert in infidelity (EAs and PAs). Allen and Puppy have other resources I think.

Also, wondering about exposure and whether or not I should contact her or her boyfriend. My gut tells me that her boyfriend and she are possibly on the outs, but there is no confirmation. Of course if either of them (OW or OW's boyfriend)think this is truly just a friendship then I could make myself look like an ass to them. And, they're both coworkers to my H so that might make a possible reconciliation with him tough.

I don't see the rush to expose to her boyfriend...but others may disagree here. How about if she continues contacting your H you expose-think about this one for awhile though since it has to do with work and if she is on the outs with him, what is the point? Maybe now that your H has ended things with her, she might want to pick things back up with her boyfriend. Wait and see, I think.

About GAL and don't initiate contact--not so sure. Don't listen to me entirely but it seems to make sense to work on the marriage together...get family therapy...will he agree to it? But I read on marriagebuilders that the wayward spouses go through withdrawal and get depressed for 3-6 weeks after. Dr. Harley says there isn't much you can accomplish during the withdrawal period....just food for thought.