Honestly, James, I am not sure there is anything more to say.
You just get reeled in by your W each time. Its a pattern I am not sure you can see.
You need to be logical. I don't quite get your whole situation. If you have been with your W for 13 months how do the two of you have children that are 10 and 3 years old? I am assuming (perhaps incorrectly) the reason you entered into an Informal Marriage was due to you or your W being unable to obtain a traditional marriage license under Texas law as one or both of you were in arrears with child support.
How do you have a stepchild that is 8 but a son that is 10 with your W? Are any of these children biologically yours? Were you at one time the OM to your W when she was married?
You have to begin thinking logically about what your W is telling you. She asked for extra money to get her hair done so she could look presentable on job interviews. Yet she had money available to her plan a b-day event for you that includes dinner, a jazz club, purchasing lingerie AND a hotel? For somebody that wants to change how they do things and really make good sound decisions for the future to show she might be a fit and responsible parent it seems crazy she would choose to spend her money on a night out rather than fixing herself up for the job hunt.
Go dark for a few months. Get your medical procedures done, stabilize your job situation, get a place of your own and really work at IC. In a few months if she is employed, taking her meds and taking care of her health and has attended IC regularly then maybe see where things are at.
Think about it.. she needs space and is confused but certainly wasn't confused when she asked for money. She wasn't confused when she bombarded you with texts on her b-day when she chose not to spend it with you.
