Poet - Just thinking practically here for a few minutes....
First of all - alimony - I can't imagine that you won't get alimony after a 14 year marriage. I don't know why your ex would go to court over that issue, unless he's stupid. At least in California there are formulas for that stuff and a 14 year marriage would definitely involve alimony if he makes more than you.
Second -retirement funds. Are you in a community property state? If so, then 1/2 of the funds accumulated during the marriage would be yours. If not - what does your attorney say about what you would be entitled to? Third - he wants to buy you out of the house. What are your options? Could you afford to buy HIM out of the house? How much equity is there in the house? Think very carefully about this. It's not a good deal if you swap retirement equity for the house, but can't afford the house and lose it. On the other hand, if you're in a position where you'll never qualify for another house on your own, finding a way to keep this one may be a good plan. I find it can help to draw out all the financial options in a case like this. Here's a theoretical case to help you think about it:
House worth 150k with 50k owed on mortgage. Options: 1) You keep house by buying him out of his 50k equity share by refinancing in your name to tune of 100k. You get to stay put, own an asset, you might be able to rent out extra bedrooms for some income. You will however have the expenses that come with owning a home. You also acquire debt, if you can't pay the mortgage and go into foreclosure you have nothing, so don't get in over your head.
2) He buys you out, gives you 50k. If he gives this to you in the form of an extra 50k in retirement funds, that money is not available to you to buy a new house, unless you pay taxes on withdrawal. However, if you plan to rent anyway or to live with family, the extra money in retirement funds may be a good thing. If he gives you the 50k in cash (by refinancing himself) then you have a down payment on a new home - IF you can qualify for the mortgage. Or you can use that money to increase your retirement.
Please don't take any offense at this, but it sounds like you're not very confident when it comes to finances? If so, consider getting some financial counseling, or talk to a good friend who is good with money. www.wife.org also has excellent financial education for women in divorce.
