Last night, after a pretty major and long R talk/argument, she came to my "jail" to say good night. Well...one thing led to another.
It was reassuring to see that she could break her fears for the night, at least.
Yes, I do need to keep working on myself - I'm sure of that. If I listed my faults, my list would be endless. If I don't consider what she wants and what aspects of "us" cause conflict, how can I work on them? As far as she says, the only problem is the addiction. Not respect. Not independence. Not condescending tone of voice or anything. Just one problem. We wouldn't have fought had there been just one problem.
I agree, she is hurt. She feels that by not having the strength to just stop without fully dealing with underlaying reasons that I am choosing the addiction over her. So if I see it her way, then I can even understand her POV.
If I understand that in the context of having some major self-esteem or other issue, then I have to either accept her as she is with that problem, or keep encouraging her to solve that problem, too. I'm pretty sure it says in DB that once the R is more sound, then both parties can discuss mutual issues.
I'm not blaming her - sorry if it appears as such. I don't agree with throwing away hope and a M because I have a problem, either.
