I just don't know if/for how long he was unhappy. Sex (lack thereof) was definitely a big problem--we tried to address it a couple of times, but the failure to change, or really work on it, was mine. Of course, we can also say X had a responsibility to say something about it.
My latest theory: Say you only ever had hamburger to eat. You enjoy it. It's good. You think: Wow, this hamburger stuff is pretty nice! I'll be happy with it the rest of my life.
And then...someone offers you filet mignon. Wow! YOU NEVER KNEW IT COULD BE LIKE THIS! Wow!
So you secretly sneak off and eat filet mignon for a month or two. And then you realize...hey...I could just drop that hamburger thing entirely, and go with this.
The few things he said: "she treats me like a king. Instead of: 'you're having another drink?' she brings me a drink." "Aver, you weren't supportive of my problems at work. You always indicated that you were happy to see me having some of the same problems you were" (that's true. X is VERY successful at work, in a very supportive workplace. I have a lot of insecurities about my work, and my workplace is NOT supportive. So I did gloat--yow, it hurts to say that--when/if X had a problem.)
And as we know, she isn't working. She's "concentrating on cooking" for him, according to X's mom. So adoration, dependence, a little world just the two of them.
So that's all I got. Much like you, my long-lost twin.
Two weird remarks after the bomb, during our Sunday "check in" appointments.
One: after the bomb, I left for a week. Couch surfed, etc. X asked, looking away, sounding small, "can I ask where you were all week?" as if he were concerned.
Two: after I asked him to please move out (instead of moving to the apt. with her!) I said: let's call the insurance company and separate out our cars from the house. He said" "well, it's less expensive to have it all wrapped up together" And then, looking away again, and with that small, hurt voice: "unless you are trying to speed this process up."
WTF? I said something like "I would do anything to stop or reverse this process" No answer, of course.
I think Citygirl said: "when a WAS says "I'm done" they mean it."
And yes, ILY's just before. And a few offhand remarks, that in hindsight--had I just responded in the positive--might have tilted him back to trying with me.
Oh, god, I can beat myself up forever. I was so emotionally withdrawn. I held back. Etc., etc, you have all heard this before.
And to top it all off, my sex drive has suddenly switched into HIGH gear! now that's a kicker!
Yes, the ad's are good to keep the uncontrollable/unpredictable sobbing at bay. I wouldn't be here without 'em, that's for sure.
You have all heard this before, sorry to go back to it. Hopefully I will tell myself these stories less and less as time goes by.
Now I need another running goal, and have to work on that date with the doctor!
Going over to your thread, now, LFA. I want to know how you GAL'ed this weekend!!!
