Time for darkness.... (thread number 3)ears open

[james217]

The chronicles of being employed again (day 2) lol.

Today I was pretty sleepy. My trainers let me run the computer and "drive the class" for awhile today. felt pretty good that they have that much confidence in what I have learned in a day. I feel like I'm excelling. I've made a few friends. We just laugh and joke and have alot of fun at work. It was just kind of slow though.

I feel like my confidence and esteem are rising. Nothing makes a man feel like a man than being able to work. I think this is a job I can really perform well and could probably move up due to my experience. The only bad thing is that I will have to miss about 3 to 4 days for the surgery prep duration and post op but first i have to get that approved by seeing the neurologist and a doctor. I also have another hearing for s10.


I heard back from the division of blind services and the surgery is going to be delayed until I can see the neurologist. They can't give me anestesia so my physician cannot approve the cornea specialist's request for the cornea transplant until the neurologist examines me and finds out if I have epilepsy or just diabetic seizures.


Man I really miss the boys and SD8. I am still lonely although I'm adjusting. I'm trying to gal a life and keep walking and exercising and focusing on this job.

I still cry. I still look at our family pics and get sad. But I'm not as desperate. Maybe I'm starting to detach? I don't know. I still think about her alot.

I'm really excited about work though.

I've been thinking about volunteering on weekends at a hospital or ymca because I love kids and since I cannot see my own right now I'll try to tutor and buy toys and give back. There are alot of sick children out there who are all alone.

I hope my dream of becoming a teacher or aide working with disabled children can come true. I really want to do that.
My mother and I seem to be getting along better. Me and dad were laughing and joking because he picked me up from work.


WAW:

She talked to me for a little while yesterday. About work. Health issues. What she is trying to get accomplished. Finally understanding that i'm not going to pay for her hair. I do understand why she wants it done. The epilepsy meds wrecked havoc on her hair and it's still not fully grown back the way it should. But she used to be more frugal about it. The hairstyle she wanted before I reenforced my boundaries was too expensive.
She stated she is going to show me that she can budget her finances better. I just smiled on the phone and validated.

So she's planning a weekend for me on my bday weekend since my bday is next wednesday. Sent me some links to some lingerie she wanted to purchase and I was like Wow. She wants to take me to dinner, a nice jazz place and then to either her place or a hotel.

She stated she's had this in her budget for about a month. I was kind of surprised. We had some very flirty conversation. Alot of laughter but some seriousness about our 3 kiddies and being more responsible and respecting each other and taking care of business. We talked and texted for a little while after she came back from the store to get something to eat and then I told her I had to get some rest. Well we were both sleepy.

This is probably the longest we've talked on the phone in awhile.

Today we haven't talked at all. I sent her a simple text just asking if she was ok and had she heard anything back about the job she took tests for on saturday. I miss her but I'm not going to bombard her with texts and phone calls.

I'm going to back off and just give her space. She did text me on Sunday about how lonely she is and she states that she still cries and misses her family dearly but she is trying to sort through the issues she has, get herself together and get back in church (she did go sunday which surprised me).

So where do I go from here? I'll just keep working and pushing forward. I miss my W and my children but I'm focusing on trying to make it on this job and still fit the surgery and IC into the picture.

She has been affectionate. She doesn't ask me what my motives are for doing things. She states she sees changes in me and she's working on herself.

I'm just still being wary and keeping my guard up. I'm somewhat grey.

I feel as though we are working through some things. Issues are being discussed without near as much anger. We are able to talk and laugh and go out. But only time will tell.

I've finally set some boundaries. we'll see how it goes.

advice on WAW? Am I doing the right thing? Do I go N.C. again? SHe's said she needs space and time and is confused.

Hellllllllllllllp lol