The year of not my problem

[AJM]

It's a tough road.
The latest:
The therapist has been giving me a hard time telling me I'm angry. Know what? I am. And I won't change that. There's no reason to right now. I have no intentions of "being friends" with STBX. That's ludicrous. I stay angry because otherwise I let my guard down. And everytime I do that I get punched in the nose. That's happened every time for the last three years. I see no reason to continue allowing that behavior.
In fairness, I was nicer than cold today. I actually encouraged her nice behavior again (first time in months). I'm not willing to be friends with somebody that treats me the way she does. I almost had to beat that into the therapist. Not sure what she is telling me this for but it is what it is. I've had enough of this bat sh*t crazy mess. The jealousy. The sleepless nights. The worry.

I did get some good advice from the therapist too though. She mentioned some good ways to talk to the kids about. For example, she mentioned that I should tell them the truth in a way that is not accusatory of their mother. To let them know we still love them and will be there for them at events in their lives. Even if together as long as we don't have to ride together
I spoke to my daughter today (she got her permit yesterday. YAY!) about it. Before when she remarked I was happier I didn't disagree. But after talking to the therapist she suggested I change that so the daughter doesn't think I like this and the pain it brings. She suggested instead I mention the truth and let her know I am deeply heartbroken and disappointed but that I'm relieved to know the outcome. I'm going to miss our family and our house and pets, but I'm relived that I no longer have to be in limbo. For now, that will have to do.

Just my venting for the day. Gotta bounce

AJ