Not sure which way to go anymore

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I am sticking to NC. It will be hard due to us having a son together, but I will make sure any contact with him has only to do with DS and is absolutely necessary. H texted me to today to make sure I'm going to let him tell DS, I deleted it without response. He hasn't texted again.

OK, but that one was about your son, so you should have answered it. Maybe not right away, but a couple of hours later, with a "We will first discuss and agree upon what gets said when you tell him, and I want to be there when you do."

Or some such.

You're going to have to distinguish between TRUE messages about DS, and ones that -- once your H realizes you're not responding to him or to R convo tries -- try to GOAD YOU INTO R convos, using some pretext about DS as the setup.

Puppy

[Mystik]

Puppy,

I am not mentally in a place to answer him yet without either being snarky or begging his return. So I thought it best to stick with NC for now. I know I do need to answer him, but I'm just not ready yet.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

OK. Eventually, the difference between how you answer his child/logistical e-mails and his meanspirited or relationship e-mails will be striking to him.

Puppy

[Mystik]

H took DS tonight, they just left. I wasn't planning on him having DS tonight so it caught me quite off guard, it was not easy having to see him. Had I known he was taking DS I would have left DS at school for pick-up there.

I had talked to DS a bit ago, explained that Daddy has a new life and is never coming back. So first thing DS asked him is why he's never coming back. H said that was an interesting question and they'd talk about it. I'm sure DS is going to be full of questions that I won't have the answer to.

[flowmom]

Mystik, good for you for seeking out support and posting here.

I've been dim for over 3 months now. H and I interact often around the kids and we've been dealing with kid-related issues pretty proactively. But we don't have any contact about stuff other than kids or finances. I almost never phone, and keep emails brief and to the point. No texting. We don't talk other than polite exchanges when the kids are present. It is doable and it does make it easier to detach and get on with one's life. It's a process but it does help me to not be involved in emotional stuff with H right now. I have no idea about his life and right now that suits me fine.

(((Mystik)))

[any chance?]

Mystik:
Try to hang in there and have faith in yourself. I, like you, want my partner back, but she is out of control with depression and the OM. Like I don't even exist. Very hurtful, and there is not a damn thing I can do about it.

I am going to try NC (which is hard because we work together), but more importantly I am going to GAL, which I have been very very bad at.

Important point - you will get through this. Be strong.

[Mystik]

One good thing about H taking DS tonight and Thursday, after that there will be a week-long break where H will not see DS or I until Wednesday. During that time I will do my darndest to be strictly no-contact, though I feel like it's going to kill me.

I see my therapist at 9 in the morning. That time can't come fast enough.

[Ken62]

Mystik,

My heart goes out to you during this very trying time. Just know that there are a lot of people here that are thinking about you and praying for you! I'm glad that you have an appointment tomorrow and I hope that it helps.

(((((Mystik))))

[Mystik]

Thanks Ken. I hope the appointment tomorrow help, too. I know that there will most likely be tears, even though at the moment I feel all cried out and extremely numb.

[Ken62]

May they be "healing tears" as my counselor calls them!