Early Parole from the MLC Chain Gang?????

[MHL]

Well, I had a step back last week but back on track and still more positive steps. Still waiting for that Big Step, don't know if she will ever officially say it, but I sure would like to hear her say that she wants to work on the M.

My W came over last night to sit with our S9 while I was at D13's last soccer game. Was only for an hour and half but I asked if she wanted to stay for dinner and she did. We put our S9 to bed, and we had a late dinner and talked about her work and and mine and our children and normal stuff we used to talk about before the nightmare began. I made sure to keep it light and fun, no R talk. We also talked about fixing our favorite meal and cracking open 1 of 2 bottles of wine we have been saving for special occassion. (Neibaum Coppola, Rubicon Estate, Captain's Reserve 2004 Cabernet for the wine enthusiasts) We did not set a date but it was talk of doing something in the future, hopefully sooner rather than later.

It is definitely frustrating waiting for her to move along but she is moving, just gotta be patient. I am going back in my thread and in my journals to remind myself just how far I have come. Back in October, my W swore to my D13 (D13 still hates Mom) that she would never eat another meal with me and never be in the house at the same time as me. If there wasn't the issue between my D13 and my W, I think my W would be at the house more than she is now, maybe even back in the house by now.

I try to write in my journal as often as I can b/c I know later I will be able to look back in a month or 2 or 3 or 4 and see the progress. While I listen to what she says when she is opening up, I pay more attention to her actions these days. Her actions are more measurable than her words which still contain lies, which I try to ignore.

I know there will come a time to talk about how she is feeling but I know I have to restablish trust with her so she feels safe in sharing her feelings with me. It is so odd to say that "I have to re-establish trust with her" it seems so backwards, she should be the one re-establishing trust with me. That too, I know will come with time.

TIME, that is definitely the constant in all our sitches. Any progress takes time.