And he just won't stop this. I feel ill just thinking about it. I feel sick (of him) when I am around him and I don't want to be close with him. I can't bring myself to D and end this marriage, and I can't change it acting the way I am.
Originally Posted By: SecondChance
So now the romantic in me says, we have another chance, he's willing to come to my city, the circumstances have given us a new go at this marriage and life.
The cynic in me says, great, he lives off me for 2 years, gets a share of the house I had to buy with the split financials from the separation, then as a stay-at-home Dad if he leaves again I have no claim for support, custody, in fact I'll owe HIM alimony off my puny job, while he goes back and becomes rich in his major career world!!
Originally Posted By: SecondChance
Part of my fear of getting back with him now, is why should I assume that this time he can build a healthy relationship with me, when he was clearly incapable of doing that before.
Originally Posted By: SecondChance
When he's in front of me asking to reconcile and go forward with our marriage I am not trusting him, and I seem to recoil when he tries to hug me or anything. My intuition that something is wrong is going off, but I don't know after all of this whether to trust it or not.
THEN... when he's not here, after he's left, after I'VE pushed him away... then I miss him like crazy, and I feel bad about pushing him away.
You are still living in fear…
You are not ready to trust…
You still have a lot of anger and suspicions…
His obvious confusion…
His being very uncertain where he wants to live, his thinking he will know in four weeks time if the M will work out or not, his uncertainty about what he wants to do with his life…I could go on, but you know what he has said…
I am NOT even trying to predict what his real reasons behind the idea of reconciliation are at this point…
He may want to, he may not want to…
However, one of you will have to be the stronger one if it does happen, and if he is coming out of a MLC, it won’t be him…
Which means that YOU have to be healthy enough to know the risk you would be taking with yourself and your emotions, and be able to go through the process with as little damage to what you have gained/regained in you, no expectations, and a lot of patience, compassion, and understanding…
When the time is right for you both, you will know it…
Was that any better?
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
