Ayayaye BBJ.....I have to agree with Mike and K. You are a glutten for punishment.
On the "announcement" to the kids, I was as stressed about it as you seem to be. However, try to remember one thing. Your kids will react to how their parents react. If they see you tolerant, happy and able to have a "friendly" relationship with their dad (and vice versa of course), they will be fine. The divorce stigma does not exist any longer. They will be no different than their classmates.
He doesn't get any more BBJ access. We will be together on Wednesday to tell the kids, and then there will be nothing left to say to each other except occasional 'just the facts' exchanges re. the kids...which can be accomplished via email when/if necessary.
There is nothing left to say, nothing left to do but tell the kids and move forward. At least they will know and I will feel freer that I am not hiding anything from them.
I am sure we could have done the prep for our talk over the phone or via email. But I wanted to see his face and see if it bothered him at all to be telling our kids this. I know it was unnecessary, but I wanted it. And I got it. And it's over now...
My main priority is my kids, keeping them healthy and happy and secure as much as possible. And of course doing the same for myself.
I wonder if they make a rehab/treatment program for people like me?
Only half kidding....I wonder if 28 days somewhere where a team of counselors can continuously reinforce the idea that Dan is not worth an ounce of my effort, the kids will be okay even with divorced parents, and I deserve and should not settle for less than a man who will treat me with 100% love, monogamy, and respect, would help me get out of my stupid-ass rut...
I think that the no contact thing will help...we hadn't had much and he was trying to contact me, but I was not biting. Then the whole 'telling the kids' thing has put us more in contact and I have let it get to me way too much and take me back to places I thought I had left behind, mentally and emotionally.
Well if you find one let me know because I need to enroll myself. I have no idea why I continue to wish that my WAW, who cheated on me with at least 3 different men (that I know of) over the past 8 years, would change her mind and give our M another chance. Good grief - what is wrong with me! I'm still too hung up on what our dreams and goals were going to be.
I have asked myself this question many times. Alot of us here have put up with more crap than I would have ever imagined possible (including me) and continue to "hope" that THEY will have a change of heart somehow. Is it simply that we want what we can't have or is it something deeper than that? I don't know....all I know is that from some of the stories I read, there is NO WAY in hell that we should even be hoping that these WASs come back. I will repeat myself here once again...they screw up once for whatever reasdon....maybe....but this three or four time business and in your house etc...is just a little too much.
I think I'm gonna open up that rehab place in Tennessee...and let you folks make me a millionaire!!!
it's a joke folks..a joke
Quote:
Alot of us here have put up with more crap than I would have ever imagined possible (including me) and continue to "hope" that THEY will have a change of heart somehow.
I have figured out that if worse ever came to worse and it meant me and batchitt crazy getting back together...that I'd just stick with my hand... it would give me just as much pleasure....
pick it up BBJ...you have no reason to regret, feel sorry..or really have any emotion about any of it and what was...
For the love of God, BBJ, stop! Just stop. Please.
I think you need a fool-proof mantra to deal with Dan's sick, ridiculous, manipulative texts and emails. All of the so-called "info" he needs on dr appts, allergy shots, etc. LAME!! He's their father. He can damned well start acting like it with NO RESCUING FROM YOU!!
And I just can't stop thinking about all the sh!tty things he has said to you over the years: "Use your head!" and other sh!t like that just to make you feel small and doubt yourself. Just to make you feel bad. What a guy. Ha! Like Dan is some sort of genius.
You already saw him start this sh!t with little Sydney and the party gift. What an @sshole to do that to an innocent little girl. I think he hates women(little girls too) because of the way that all of you females are continuing to be treated by him. The silly OW too! Look how many of you he had chasing after him for any little crumb of affection or validation. Even Sydney.
ARE YOU F'ing KIDDING ME???
I would answer NO texts, NO emails, they are not real questions anyway, they are just sent to keep you on the string and dan knows it.
His cruel little games can be subtle, but they are insidious. I am so glad you will not give him access to yourself anymore.
Thanks so much guys. Mentally tattooing those on my brain as we speak. Along with the ever-handy, "Access denied"
It is so clear that heisfull of sh!t and I still have let myself fall into it...
For example his bitching that the kids were awake at 9:40 the other night when they called to tell him goodnight. Then the very next night? He can't meet w/me till 10:30 bc Sydney is still awake! Duh, it happens to both of us, not just me! He had the audacity to say at the time, "You are the adult, put them to bed and be done with it"....um, how'd that work for you pal?
Then I asked where the kids raincoats were after when I couldn't find them this week. He said he sent them with them to school and basically implied I lost them bc I am unorganized. Well, what do you think was hanging on the top of the steps in his entry last night? Yeah, those coats he sent back to my house....funny I am never all over his ass for stuff like that...
OK no more Dan talk. He isn't worth the time.
Gotta work on setting up my summer school classes to finish this ESL endorsement. Then I can do the fun part...figure out the dates for the kids and my trip to Chicago in July!! Yay!
