My WAW - Chat/Text Msg affair with her ex

[Dan1977]

Everyone, I appreciate your help, please don't give up on me. I am trying to take your advice and apply it to my life. I really do need all the help I can get if you can't already tell. I want to GAL. I want her to see what life would be like without me and realize she is going down the wrong path. I was thinking about taking my son hiking this weekend, just me and him. I know it will bother her very much if I take the kids from her to go do something. I've tried this in the past and she always wants to be in the family outings. I want her to spend some time by herself knowing our kids may not be there all the time like she has it now. Her weak point as is mine is our kids, we love them dearly, although I value our family much more than her it seems and know how devastating it would be to our kids if we get divorced. She sees no value in family right now, or she is trying to convince herself she doesn't need me. I really think she would have a tremdously hard time making ends meet on her own. She's never truly lived on her own, paid her own bills, had her own place etc...let alone trying to pay for those type of things with kids involved. I thought it was always good she could stay home with the kids, but she doesn't realize how good she really does have it without having the burden of taking care of anything related to financials.

Sandi, I am listening to what you are telling me. I am going to stop talking to her and explaining myself everytime anything comes up. This is not working and you are spot on. I will be civil to her, but I'm not going to reach out and try to get into a deep conversation about what is going on all the time.

As far as marriage counseling/coaching, I knew that was a solo thing for me and she wouldn't participate, and I haven't asked her to. I only asked her to read a few chapters in Divorce Remedy a few months back when I first learned of the affair and she absolutely refused. I kept reading and she thought I was stupid for trying to "get the answers" out of a book. She says she doesn't need a book to tell her how she feels. I felt quite the opposite after I read the book. I learned techniques here and there about how to comunicate better, do's and don't's, what to do during an affair. My problem I'm struggling with is once confronted about the affair, I thought my wife would feel ashamed and want to stop knowing she was caught, but it's like it's fueling her fire and she wants to do it more now that I know what is going on and I'm trying to prevent it.

I'm not a lost cause, I'm just really struggling on how to get my life back in order and I'm struggling even more because my kids are involved.

Dan