I'm not religious at ALL, but it would be nice if someone had a plan for me, for you, all of us. That's a nice thought.

It does sound like you're doing about as well as you could be, considering. Which doesn't mean you won't have ups and downs still- but keep doing whatever you're doing, I think you're going in the right direction.

Haven't heard you mention much (but haven't read entire sitch from start) about any support network you have- friends, family, etc. Hope you do have one and can lean on them when needed.

When the men on the chessboard
Get up and tell you where to go;
And you've just had some kind of mushroom
And your mind is moving slow;
Go ask Alice...
I think she'll know.