Now life is getting complicated again so soon. Very nice prospect on the horizon, even though I know I'm not ready. She ticks pretty much all my boxes for a potential partner, we have been spending time together as friends, but there is definitely the opportunity for more. She knows my situation in terms of awaiting divorce, timing of our separation and why it happened, both my faults and the STBXW behaviour. I think she is currently waiting patiently for me to sort myself out.

It is proving hard to hold back. I don't want to hurt anyone, myself included. I'm incredibly impatient as a rule, and the STBXW has given no indication whatsoever that she gives a s**t about me and carries on with the OM. Except that she asks one of our mutual friends how I am every time she sees her, and I'm sure that's just about a conversation topic they have in common rather than genuine interest.

But then I remember my honeymoon, and good times with the STBXW, how in love we were, our wedding day. And I'm still grieving for that, and still sometimes want for it all not to have been a waste, to be able to remember those happy times with my wife as I should be doing anyway, looking into her eyes and holding her and telling her I love her. Although I'm not sure I do love her anymore. It's so damn sad. Only 9 months ago we stood in that beautiful castle garden surrounded by our nearest and dearest and promised our lives to each other forever. Time on that luxury island on the Great Barrier Reef with only 8 other people, lying in hammocks, snorkelling on the coral, walking hand in hand on our own private bit of beach. We should've been having babies this year, not waiting for a divorce. The father-in-law was trying to buy us a farmhouse to raise them in. Can't believe it is all now lost, cruelly banished by her disgusting behaviour and inability to stay in the committment she made, supported by her OM and immoral friends. How could someone who stopped speaking to her best mate for 6 months because the mate was trying to break up someone else's marriage to get her man, do this to ours?

I am SO not ready for another relationship.
I wish I was.

Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.