is my WAH in an MLC (need some experts!)?

[pandora]

thanks FIB. what you're saying is so right. logically, it makes complete sense.

emotionally, i'm in another place. i am having all these feelings of why me? why is this all happening? why does everyone have to get hurt (his family is starting to find out and are devastated). why would God want this to happen?

i start getting overwhelmed with feelings of being alone for the rest of my life. getting lost in my own stupid pity party.

in all honesty, this is so out of character for me...i'm the one everyone looks at as "strong." the person with strong faith. the one who dealt with her son's loss with grace.

now i'm a big mess. sometimes i get angry at myself...like why am i putting so much worth on someone so worthless? then i remember how much i love him...what good we had. then i remember, this isn't about me, it's his crisis, our old M is gone. and then my mind is swirling...and i'm swirling out of control.

honestly, i want to enjoy these last few months we have together. detach, leave it to God who is in control anyways and them move on.

i DO want to do this with grace and dignity and strength...not misery, anger, and depression.

i so appreciate you all on here, you have no idea. the love and support i know i can count on...from people who have (unfortunately) gone through the same things. it really helps me so THANK you to everyone!