5 weeks left to DB - need help with my plan

[gatsby11]

That sounds fair to me about the role in the birth and the initial visit.

I don't know your financial situation, but I'd be a tad worried about his unemployment nullifying an expectation for CS! (Is he getting unemployment? Can he get a dinky job while waiting for a real one?) I don't know Australian law and, heck, I don't know US law on it yet. But I think you should be thinking about how much you need (20%?) and if you haven't yet, making sure he knows he will have to pay! And how would it work if he went back to France? You don't have to answer any of these questions, of course, if you know that it's fine for you.

My WH says I'm now all about the money. Maybe I am!

I am sooooo fuzzy headed! That's why it helped to get a whiteboard with all of the things I need to do before the birth. I feel so much better now. . . Practicing deep breathing! Better stick that on the list.

Glad you checked in!

[newmama]

I don't think you need to distance yourself from the friend who emailed your WH...is that what you were asking? Why?

About the birth-it makes sense that if you brought it up to him in the past and he hasn't addressed it since, that the ball is in his court.

Good idea to expose another round!

[Piano]

NM I want to thank my friend for defending me and criticising WAH's behaviour to him. But I don't like the tone that was used. Perhaps I should just let that go...?
Don't LBS's need to duck and get out the way post exposure? Does that include not writing emails to thank people?

[Piano]

What was I worried about? I emailed friend with a major thankyou. People who stick their necks out are RARE.

Second round of A exposure has been a rough ride. Friends housing WAH got a bit ruffled when I respectfully requested that they protest the affair going on under their roof. They were a bit insulted as they feel they are doing all they can to keep an eye on WAH and be a positive influence on him.

Despite the bollocksing from our common friend, WAH is not budging from his position ONE BIT.

He emailed again tonight. I expected a change in his tone or attitude , but no. Still chillingly detached. Wants the child to carry his name in some form or another and hopes we can overcome our "differences" one day. I feel like saying the fundamental difference between him and me is that he has affairs and abandons his family, whereas I don't. LOL!

But I'll keep the sarcasm to myself. DARK time.

Last bit of news for this post: have given up all hope that the birth is going to change anything for WAH. He's too far gone. I've accepted that now.

[Piano]

Exposure Round 2 to family in Europe has produced DEAFENING SILENCE so far.

Makes me think they already knew!

[Piano]

Reading my last two posts, I realise what I need to do:

Send a short email to WAH saying push off, we've nothing to discuss until you show yourself fit to be a father.

and.. most important of all.. further my own detachment by having NO EXPECTATIONS.

No expectations
No expectations
No expectations.

That should sink it in!

[newmama]

Send a short email to WAH saying push off, we've nothing to discuss until you show yourself fit to be a father.

and.. most important of all.. further my own detachment by having NO EXPECTATIONS.

Good plan- but I would like to suggest living in the present, too. Day by day. It was the hardest and the best thing for me to do! It helps with no expectations! (Don't get me wrong- I plan events and outings for the future but I try my darndest to stay grounded in the here and now)

[Piano]

Thanks NM, wise words. I find also that concentrating on the next 5mins, then next hour or couple of ours, is the best way to keep fear and anxiety at bay.

[Piano]

Friends, I am terrified.

I just gave WAH the biggest blow-off yet.

A shortish ' We will never be friends after what you've done and by continuing to harm your family and unborn child' sort of email.

Just when he expressed hopes we were starting to communicate better.

I feel very scared and in pain. I really feel like I have ended evertyhing between us.

I know sometimes the hardest things are the best things. And I cannot accept negotiating ANYTHING with him while he and OW are thriving.

I hope this puts the boot up him enough to really now feel scared with the pending birth. And OW must be freaking out about right now also.

Why of why is nothing making him budge?

I'm starting to think he really must have hated our M THAT MUCH. That's a killer.

[JacT]

Piano no matter how much you try, you will never work out what hes thinking.You are assuming hes not ruffled but it could all be a big act..you just dont know. I spoke to a mental health nurse last week.My H has not told anyone at work we are seperated.He hasnt changed, not blinked an eye his boss said.The nurse said'Jac there is no one can work out whats going on in his head probably not even him so dont go there, but he has to break, he has too.'
These men can only put mental blocks on for so long.
The emotion of the birth of his child will get a reaction one way or another, and he will have to make choices.
Think about what you are prepared to accept if it kicks off around the birth.You will be an emotional and hormonal wreck.Be clear about what you want and dont let him destroy that precious time.