I believe you are on to something there! Thanks for your support and words of wisdom...I'm glad things are looking up for you...I will keep you in my prayers.
I believe you can succeed because you believe it ...you get my Believes in herself DB'er Award for the Day.
Quote: Discretion is the greater part of valour this week. Don't say any more than you have to, and watch diligently for the impact that even the few, carefully chosen words you do employ are likely to have. You're dealing with a delicate, sensitive situation. It is, however, easy to forget this due to the intensity of what you feel... and the urgency of what is taking place. The rights and wrongs are not clear-cut but one thing's absolutely certain: you have far more power, influence and strength than you realise. Saturn's sharp link to your ruler is urging you to tread firmly, but softly.
Keeps me thinking.
My H was here with us most of the weekend. He came over Friday night and stayed late, came back Saturday morning so all of us could go with my folks to the spring fest for our major league baseball team.
Later Sat, he took S5 on errands while I took D9 and S3 to hockey. Then he went to a surprise birthday party for a guy I don't know. I did let him know that I would like to go to those type of events with him, that the smoky bar won't bug me (maybe a little) and that I don't care if I don't know anyone (I don't). He said he was only going for a couple of hours and that he didn't think I'd enjoy this crowd and that he'd make it up to me.
Well, he came back over at about 10:30 p.m. and made it up to me and then stayed over night! (He didn't say so, but I am guessing that this was his way of making it up to me - staying over for the first time in a while)
He had me set the alarm to get up early but still left enough time to before he went to his apartment to shower and change and come back.
When he came back, he cooked breakfast for kids and watched them while I went to church. Then we did D9's game and he came back for a bit before taking off to go ice-fishing.
So good weekend all in all, although no opportunity came up to invite him to move home. But again, I go by his actions around here and stay positive. He is rediscovering that I can be fun in response to his better mood. So I guess I am mirroring him like I read in someone else's thread.
Anyway, so it goes....
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
UGHHHHH!!! Man, things are going along smoothly and then one false step and WHAM you get jolted back into reality.
Here is the condensed version...
I made an appt to take my Suburban in for service today since it turned over 60K yesterday, is leaking radiator fluid, has a broken lock on one of the door's my kids use and the battery light came on (yesterday).
Went out this a.m. to scrape it off (0 degrees and -15 wind chill at the time) and warm it up. Well, it turned over just fine. After running about five minutes or so, I opened the door to empty the garbage and clean it up a bit. The vehicle was making weird noises, the clock went out, the CD player went off, the heater button was on high but it wasn't blowing at all. Then the engine started dying out too. I turned it off and went in to call H.
Told him what had happened and asked if I should get it towed in to dealer (over 20 miles) and he said "no it will cost $200!" Then I said I was concerned that I wouldn't make it there and would stall on the side of the freeway. Then I mentioned that heat and defrost wasn't working and he said crack a window. Then he added, you have your phone, it won't be that bad.
Then it happened - I asked about if it was safe because you always see cars fire on the side of the road all the time in the winter and I didn't want my engine to do that. He made a remark that I took as smarta## "It won't blow up". I said I asked you a question out of concern, thanks alot for the smarta## answer and hung up. (I have only hung up on him one other time in 17 years and that was shortly after he left and he was really being an a## on the phone - in his anger phase.)
Well, then I walked kids to bus, came back and tried it. It wouldn't start at all. Of course, now I am thinking I need to find someone to jump it or find the battery charger because H will get angry if I get it towed.
Well I am in the house and H walks in! He told me that I was the one who was a smarta## when I asked if it would blow up. I said I was asking because I didn't want to take S3 out in cold and potentially unsafe vehicle. I said I hung up as a result of his tone when he answered me.
He asked for keys, tried it and said you have to get it towed. I told him he didn't have to come but thanks for doing it. Then he left to go back to work. So my truck was towed in (and it will only cost about $70). But this morning's exchange is really bothering me.
Tonight is his night with the kids, and he has been staying here rather than go anywhere. I don't want to try to talk to him about this exchange but figure that he will take them and bolt tonight in response to this morning. Not really mature on his part, but it would be his normal response.
The real test is, has he learned anything from our time apart, from his increased time around here lately and from our renewed relationship? Or will he revert to his old run-away self?
The soap opera continues...
I am not going to call him because I know his is in meetings today, but I may send an email. I have to fix the boys lunch so won't be doing anything anytime soon. We'll see what happens.
But ughhhhhh! I know this is a test and I want to pass it. So now I need to formulate my answer and wait to see if I get an A, B, C or D.
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
I can so relate to that conversation, in fact it could have been me and H! My H likes to exaggerate the costs of things, also.
I don't know to me it sounds like a conversation a H and W would have...not? I don't know I've heard that conversation between two many H and W's before so I don't think it's anything to worry about.
Can you just apologize to your H for hanging up on him, that you were concerned about driving the truck. I know I'm the same way if something is wrong with my vehicle. I panic.
I also would be feeling the same way as you in anticipation of H's return this evening. But, I find that if I take responsibility for my part of the exchange then H will soften up and come around quicker.
Quote: The real test is, has he learned anything from our time apart, from his increased time around here lately and from our renewed relationship? Or will he revert to his old run-away self?
Be careful of setting up an expectation and if he doesn't do exactly how you wish for him to respond, than all the work is out the window.
This was one small incident. You were upset, possibly caught him at a bad time and he really didn't think it was all that serious and didn't pick up on how important the questions were to you. However, he did come over to check on things once learning how important it was to you.
Don't make this a test for the whole R, it was an incident, nothing more, car trouble can grate on anyone's nerves.
So instead of asking what he will do tonight, what will your mood be? How will you react to seeing him? I remember in DR Michelle talking about getting off a plane and dreading seeing her H as she thought he wouldn't be anxious to see her, but she changed her attitude and his adjusted to fit hers. So if this was any other day, what would you do? And, is a thank you for coming and checking on things in order for H?
Can't you just drop it? He felt guilty about the way he talked to you so he came by the house to check out the situation with the car. Just thank him for coming by. Reward the good behaviors, ignore the bad. Dog training 101. Ellie
You gals are great. I was thinking much of what you advised, but needed to hear it from someone else.
I am not going to try to talk to him until he comes tonight. Then I will greet him in a cheerful, playful way and see what happens.
I did say thank you to him for coming over this morning, but who knows if he heard it. When the truck didn't start, he just brought my keys back in, said to call the dealer for a tow and left.
I will be sure to thank him again. I will follow his lead as to if any further conversation occurs.
In the meantime, I am going to address one of his LL and straighten this place up. The boys have been dragging out toys all day!
Thanks again gals! You all rock!
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
and then stayed over night! (He didn't say so, but I am guessing that this was his way of making it up to me - staying over for the first time in a while)